A woman who suffered the devastating double tragedy of losing both her brother and father when they took their own lives has opened up about her pain.
Ceriann Lewis still wakes up with the same sense of shock following their deaths as time has done little to take the ordeal away.
Mum-of-three Ceriann, 34, who is from Gwaun-cae-Gurwen, near Ammanford, lost her brother Andrew Williams, 26, after he was found hanged in his flat in 2012. Their heartbroken father Neville Williams, 54, was later found hanged close to the cycle path near his family home in 2014.
She said: “Some mornings I wake up and think 'has it happened?' You don’t get over it, you find different ways every day to deal with it.
“My brother was 26 when he committed suicide, it was a massive shock. He would say ‘I don’t care what anyone thinks of me’, he was tough on the outside but deep down he wasn’t.
“My brother went on a path where he was experimenting with drugs. He would go out a lot on weekends.”
She added: “He did write a letter that he was going down the wrong road and had a problem with drugs and couldn’t cope with it anymore.
“Every time I would speak to him about it, he was like ‘This is my life and I am enjoying it.’ But deep down I know he was going in the wrong direction.
“I tried to help him, I felt bad he didn’t come to me - I would be hard on him because of the way he was, I was only doing it because I wanted him to be on the right track.”
She said her once happy-go-lucky father Neville was left devastated by her brother’s death but there was no warning that he would do the same thing as he didn’t have a history of mental health issues, although he had been struggling with his angina diagnosis.
Ceriann, who now lives in Garnant and works as a dental therapist in Swansea, said: “My father could not cope with what my brother had done and thought it was his fault. The feeling he did not do enough."
She admits she felt "quite annoyed" with her father for not writing a letter of explanation.
“With Andrew we had closure as that was what he wanted to do. I go back and fro and think did my father really want to do it or was it a relapse.
“He was a likeable guy and popular in the village, he was a sociable character and very funny.
“He thought he had a heart attack and was diagnosed with angina, he was off work sick and that did not help at all.
“We had to call the crisis team in the May of that year as he felt that he did not want to be here - he said he was fine and he went to counselling for his stent.
“But when he did that in the August I couldn’t believe it, he was on the up and he had the operation.
“August Bank Holiday we would love to go to Aberaeron with friends and that happened, we do not know what came over him.
“He was on the phone making arrangements to meet up that afternoon.
“This was never meant to happen in my life, it’s completely turned upside down. For me I think about them every day.”
She is now determined to make a difference in the lives of others and has signed up to the Gower Bike Ride on July 21 to help raise funds towards a well being centre in Brynamman entitled Lles Brynamman, which offers people help with mental health problems following a series of problems in the area and was set up by Nicola Thomas after she lost three members of her family to suicide.
Taking part in the event has added poignancy as she previously took part in it when it was being staged by the British Heart Foundation with her dad.
She said: “It will probably be quite emotional as I did the same bike ride with my dad 10 years ago and I am doing it with his friends."
Anyone wishing to support Ceriann should go to the Brynaman Well Being Centre GoFundMe page
Anyone who needs support should get in touch with the Samaritans on its new free helpline 116 123
