A frustrated Mumsnet user says they have been lumbered with looking after their brother's kids, despite the fact he fought for full custody of them.
On the parenting forum, a new discussion was created by fedupfreechildcare, with the user stating: "I'm just at my complete wit's end. I'm so bloody fed up and no one seems to see my side of it and I'm being expected to 'do it for the family'."
They explained how their brother-in-law and his ex split up four years ago and decided to co-parent for a bit until it all got "toxic" as his former partner "had some mental issues".
The woman added that his ex was "clean and stable" and had been for around 12 months by the time they ended up in court for their custody battle.
"She was however completely unprepared compared to BIL and he was awarded full custody," the user shared.
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"She sees the kids once a month supervised by her parents. She wants more contact, he doesn't want her to, so if he ever needs someone to look after the kids he doesn't approach her or her family, wants to look like he can cope so he relies on us a lot.
"The issue is I'm the only one in his family that is home a lot, as I am a stay at home mum to a very young child and have another on the way. It's just constant.
"His kids are here all the time, three days a week he drops them off at 8 and I give them breakfast and do the school run with them and my child on the bus (I share a car with husband and he needs it for work). I have to go back on the bus to pick them up and bring them back to my house with me, he picks them up around half 5.
"That may not sound too bad, but he works weekends so I get a break the two days a week he is off but on the weekends I have his kids two weekends in a row, then one weekend off. From breakfast until dinner!"
The user added how it's difficult to speak about the situation with her brother and that when she does, he makes guilt-tripping comments.
"A few times I've messaged to say I can't, and I just get comments like, 'When I went to court everybody said they would help me' it's not my bloody problem that you fought for more custody than you can manage!" the unknown person continued.
"He did some rota for court to show how he will manage school picks up etc and we were all delegated but the brunt of it all has fallen to me.
"I have tried speaking to dh and he says this is what you do for family. The first six months of this arrangement I just sucked it up, but their mother is desperate to see them more and he deprived her because of her mental issues, she's depressed because she has lost her kids."
The woman then shared how their nephews' mum is "not a bad person" and that she "bloody loves those boys".
They continued: "I'm just at my wit's end, I feel so guilty to their mum that she's missing them and I'm here feeling like I've gained two new children I didn't ask for.
"I love my nephews but I am not their mother, I didn't fight for custody of them, so why am I looking after them? Why when I complain am I just told I have to help because he only went for full custody because he had family support?"
Sharing her frustration about the unfair situation, she added how it will be "hell" when she has a newborn in the household, too.
She added in the forum: "I said he needs a new plan and it's all kicked off. I care about my nephews but I am not happy in this set-up and feel I'm being made out to be evil when I say so. I'm exhausted and I'm just done with it. I want to enjoy some time with just my kids! It's all gone on for nearly two years now, I still juggled them around my firstborn, I'm not doing it with my second.
"There's never any thanks, never any money towards the bus fares and the food and drink they have here, never any contribution to anything despite them being in my house almost every weekend using my electric on their games consoles and eating my food. I just feel like I have been more than fair but I'm being walked all over at this point. Just grief if I ever say no. A few times I've said no and he's dropped them off anyway.
"He has very clear fought for more custody then he can manage, and I'm done enabling it. I appreciate it is probably going to break down the relationship between me and my in laws but as quick as they'll all judge me, none of them really try to help. What can I do? How can I handle this?"
In the comments section, Mumsnet users rallied around to show support.
One person insisted: "The free ride basically needs to end he can arrange his own childcare and pay for it like every other single working parent."
"I think a lot of men who insist on full custody have no idea how they're going to cope and have no intention of doing it alone," another added. "Their poor mother - I'm sure she would jump at the chance to have the children those weekends at least. It's appalling she's not given the chance to do that."
A third added: "If you're friends with the mum, start arranging meetups in the park or whatever. Tell your brother that's what you're doing. He'll either stop bringing them round or she'll have a relationship with her kids."
What do you think? Let us know in the comments below.
