Get all your news in one place.
100’s of premium titles.
One app.
Start reading
The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Lifestyle

My boyfriend’s refusal to commit is destroying our sex life

Posed by models.
Posed by models. Illustration: Guardian Design

I am a single mother in my mid-30s and have been dating a nice, funny guy (an old bachelor type) for nearly a year. I am a passionate person and have orgasms with him very easily. However, he doesn’t want to commit, get married or deepen our relationship in any sense. When we talk, he just keeps joking. At the same time, he needs my assistance in losing weight, for example. I am losing interest in being intimate with him. How can I explain that I need a deeper, mature relationship with him to continue our sex life? I can’t go on like a teenager living only in the now.

• When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments that appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed.

• Comments on this piece are premoderated to ensure discussion remains on topics raised by the writer. Please be aware there may be a short delay in comments appearing on the site.

• If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of about 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns.

• All correspondence should reach us by Wednesday morning. Email private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments). Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions: see gu.com/letters-terms.

Sign up to read this article
Read news from 100’s of titles, curated specifically for you.
Already a member? Sign in here
Related Stories
Top stories on inkl right now
One subscription that gives you access to news from hundreds of sites
Already a member? Sign in here
Our Picks
Fourteen days free
Download the app
One app. One membership.
100+ trusted global sources.