Get all your news in one place.
100’s of premium titles.
One app.
Start reading
The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Lifestyle

My boyfriend found an explicit text message from my ex-colleague

‘Did my boyfriend want me to engage in conversation with this man?’ Posed by models.
‘Did my boyfriend want me to engage in conversation with this man?’ Posed by models. Photograph: Guardian Images

Recently, I used my boyfriend’s spare phone while mine was broken. I downloaded all the essential apps, then thought I’d deleted them once I got my own phone back. But one evening, he received a message meant for me from an old work colleague. The content was sexual in nature and I ignored it. However, while absolutely nothing but a work friendship existed between the guy and myself, my boyfriend was livid and, days later, remains on edge. I’ve explained the situation, and we’ve fought, argued and cried. Finally, I told him I was finished defending myself over an affair that didn’t happen. Did my boyfriend want me to engage in conversation with this man? His argument is that by not doing so, I didn’t protect us as a couple. I’m at a loss as to what will make things “normal” again.

• When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments that appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed.

• If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of about 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns.

• All correspondence should reach us by Wednesday morning. Email: private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments).

Sign up to read this article
Read news from 100’s of titles, curated specifically for you.
Already a member? Sign in here
Related Stories
Top stories on inkl right now
One subscription that gives you access to news from hundreds of sites
Already a member? Sign in here
Our Picks
Fourteen days free
Download the app
One app. One membership.
100+ trusted global sources.