The problem
I enjoy my work as a school kitchen assistant. My boss is a friend and we have been on holiday together. We get on really well away from work, but at work my boss is picks on me.
My work is not up to my boss's standard and she complains that I talk too much and work too slowly. If my boss is in a bad mood every one knows I am going to get picked on. I share a job with another woman who is older than me by 10 years (I am 50) and my boss tells me: "If she can finish her work, so can you".
I feel all these complaints are unfounded. I have done this job for 13 years. How can I get worse at a job I can do with my eyes shut? But she will not listen.
I don't understand how my boss can be like this and then be my friend the minute work is over.
I have no confidence to go for another job. But if I do decide enough is enough, my age will soon be against me. I also love my job and the children I serve.
The advice
There are two possible explanations for your boss's behaviour. The first explanation could be that she is trying to prove to everyone that just because she is friends with you, this does not mean that you get any special treatment.
In fact, rather than run the risk of being seen to give you special treatment, she is going the other way by treating you harshly - that way, no one can accuse her of favouring you just because you go on holiday together. Has she always picked on you or did it start suddenly? Maybe someone has complained about her favouring you.
The other explanation that shouldn't be discounted, is that her complaints about you may actually be fair. Are you finishing all your jobs at the end of the day? Do you complete as much as your colleague? If you are not working fast enough, it doesn't matter how long you have been in the job - your boss is right to complain about you, even if she is your friend out of work. In fact, it probably puts her in a very awkward position.
You need to sit down with your boss and sort this out. Ask her to tell you exactly what you are doing wrong and how you can do things better. Ask for specific examples - if her complaints are not genuine, she will find this difficult and may instead talk to you about the favouritism thing. But, if her problems with you are real, you must listen and forget the fact that you have done the job for years and can do it with your eyes shut. You say she will not listen to you, but are you really listening to her?
Dr Sandi Mann is author of Psychology Goes to Work (Purple House) and Hiding What We Feel, Faking What We Don't (Element)
