A woman who was controlled by her ex-partner for almost two decades has spoken of a lifeline service that "saved her life".
The Knowsley woman, known as Carrie, was forced to stop seeing friends and family and was given small amounts of money for food and bills. Being exposed to extreme financial and coercive control for 18 years, she was not aware it was abuse, but said she felt "trapped, scared and confused".
She bravely told the ECHO that the abuse had a severe impact on her own mental health, and that of her children and would have to account to her ex-partner for every penny she spent. Eventually ending the relationship, she said it was during this time she became aware of the "abuse and trauma suffered".
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Seeking help from the First Steps Charity in Knowsley, it became a "life-line" as she began to rebuild her life, free from abuse. First Steps is the only abuse service in Knowsley, helping hundreds of victims and families every year.
Carrie said: "Since engaging with The First Step I have come to understand the abuse I suffered and realised it was not my fault and understood the trauma I had lived with daily and how this has impacted on my mental health, which made me feel validated. I have received support for emotional wellbeing and practical matters.
"The abuse did not stop when the relationship ended and has continued through. The First Step has been able to support me and made the process easier to navigate."
The charity said services are almost at breaking point due to no funding and an increase in people needing support. In the last year alone, there has been a 60% increase in support based on the same period for last year.
But for Carrie, and thousands of others, the service is much-needed. She added: "I would probably not be here today without the emotional and practical support I received.
"It has allowed me to learn to navigate all the abuse and controlling behaviours that my ex-partner still tries to show, I’m starting to rebuild myself and find me again, I am finally starting to feel free and can see a future.
"It saves lives, where would people be without a service that can help them leave the relationship and survive the turmoil once you are away? I was more in need of support after I left and became aware of the abusive patterns that had been used."
CEO Caroline Grant said services like this need more national support as she told the ECHO: "Our refuge is constantly full, as soon as people are able to move on someone is moving in. We haven't got the resources to respond and that's a national issue. We are extremely busy but continue to do fantastic work."
Following the covid lockdowns and the current cost of living crisis, there are fears many families will be left to suffer. Caroline added: "These are dark times. A woman had gone to live independently and now needs to come back to the refuse because she can't afford it.
"Women who planned to leave abusive relationships can't because they can't afford it. Perpetrators are using the cost of living to control finances more as a tool of control. What is clear though is there has never been a greater need for services like this than now."
Supporting victims of domestic abuse as well as crisis led services, First Steps was devised because of an unmet need in the community. But Caroline told the ECHO that what really is important, is continuing that emotional support long after a relationship has ended, which is something that often gets overlooked.
She said: "We liken the trauma to someone who has PTSD from the war. Everyone knows what that is and funds it, but no-one wants to fund the trauma from domestic abuse. We provide choices and opportunities for survivors to let them get back to who they were."
But as the waiting list for support grows, Caroline said they have had to close a referral pathway which she said was "shameful". She said: "We can't meet demands, we can only deliver what we can. We have 90 people on the waiting list and it's not good enough. It upsets me but I'm very determined.
"One thing I'd always say is regardless of how busy we are, we are always there. If you have concerns for yourself or a loved one, call 0151 548 333 or visit our website. You don't have to live with abuse."
For Carrie, the service has saved her and her children as she said: "My children have all suffered with their mental health due to the abuse and behaviours from their father. The support I receive allows me to continue to fight for the support the children need.
"The support to me has resulted in my children having the best Mum I can be. I feel better equipped to handle the children’s emotions and wellbeing and my own wellbeing. I have learnt about trauma and triggers and have the tools I can use to help me through these moments when they arise."
More information about the charity can be found here.
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