A mother has been called out for treating her eldest son like a parent after she expected him to help with childcare often, despite the fact he's got no children himself. The woman claims they recently went on a family holiday and her expectations for her eldest son were really high. Of course, many will believe it's natural for older children to help where they can, but sometimes the pressure can get a little bit too much.
The mum took to Reddit to ask whether she was being unfair to tell her 21-year-old son that he could pay for his own stuff if he was refusing to help with the childcare of his siblings.
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She wrote: "I am a mother of five and a half, (46F). I am five months pregnant, I have twin girls who I'll call Lisa and Sophia (10F), my youngest boy, Joshua (17M), my baby girl, Emily who is one, and my oldest son, Danny (21M).
"We were on a trip to Hawaii a few weeks ago, my husband didn't come because of an unexpected work emergency, but he told us to have fun. My twins cried, A LOT, so my son Joshua and I comforted them, but Danny stood doing nothing.
"We had so many fun things planned to do with their father, but since he couldn't come we didn't end up doing much, but whatever we did, (except eat) Danny was absent for it. For example, going to the beach, banana boats, Luaus, and watching his younger sisters when they just wanted to go to the pool, he'd stay in his room on his phone, chatting with his friends.
"The next week of vacation I was stressed with Danny. I hated having to put most of the work on Josh because he wanted to have fun too, and my daughters were helping with the baby. I called him down to help, but he said he 'wanted to relax and chill' when we literally came here to relax, chill, and have FUN.
"We weren't having lots of fun with less help, a crying baby, two ten-year-olds who wanted to go to the pool but had to do what I had the capability of doing while carrying, and my other son who wanted to get away from his sisters for at least an hour. It was a mess.
"I shouted at him 'If you can't step up and help the woman who gave birth to you, lets you live in her house rent free, while giving you a job, whose money you just spend on silly games instead of getting an apartment, then you can get out of my house and pay for your own stuff.' He looked shocked and left, and just about an hour after, my sister-in-law and my in-laws called, asking me why I'd shout at my son when he did nothing.
"I told them 'Yeah he's been doing nothing except eating and chatting in his room with his silly friends, instead of helping his mother and siblings' and hung up.
"When we got back from our vacation, my husband yelled at our son for not helping and sent him up to his room. Lots of our family are on my side, but my in-laws think I was in the wrong, so am I the a**hole?"
Many people left comments accusing the mum of 'parentifying' her adult son.
According to Kidspot, parentification is 'a modern term used to describe when a child is made to take on the role and responsibilities of an adult.
'This could be in the form of providing regular care for younger siblings in lieu of parental care (so, not just babysitting).
'It's also just any role handed to a child who doesn't have the ability or isn't of an appropriate age.'
One wrote: "If your plan for having more kids includes having your older children picking up the slack then just don't have more kids. It isn't and shouldn't be their responsibility. Now obviously siblings CAN pitch in once in a while to help but if it's every day or during events like vacations then that's on you not them."
"It was your choice to give birth to five kids. What exactly are you doing in this story? Except for being pregnant. Again", another fumed.
Someone else agreed, writing: "He's not your husband or the father of your kids. Stop popping them out if you can't handle so many. And I say this as a parent."
One commented: "It very much sounds like Danny was brought along against his will to 'co-parent' his younger siblings. Hence why he spends the whole trip in the hotel room talking to his friends."
Do you think the mum is being unreasonable? Let us know in the comments.
