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Daily Mirror
Daily Mirror
Lifestyle
Emma Rosemurgey

Mum sparks debate after claiming 'kids don't owe their parents anything'

A mum has sparked a divisive debate, after suggesting that children don't owe their parents anything, not least their respect, just because they are their parents.

Lisa Pontius made the claims in a now-viral TikTok, in which she said people shouldn't feel obliged to have a certain kind of relationship with their parents, and that respect is a two-way street.

"I got a lot of comments on a video I made about setting boundaries with my mum, from older women, who reiterated the message that you should be grateful for everything your mother's done for you," Lisa explained.

"Like, somehow setting boundaries with someone somehow means you don't love or appreciate what they've done for you."

Lisa explained that respect between parent and child is reciprocal (itsme_lisap/TikTok)

The 33-year-old went on to say that while she thought her main point would "p*** some people off," it's important to note that "children don't owe their parents a certain kind of relationship."

Delving a little further, Lisa even added that depending on the parent, the child might not even owe them respect, either.

"Because that s*** is reciprocal," she explained, before going on to say that there is "definitely a different dynamic between an adult parent and a child, who is still a child, but once that kid is an adult, that person is a fully formed human being and all that 's*** they did for you' is parenting, which is what you signed up for."

Perhaps controversially, Lisa continued to say "it's a parent's job to provide for their children, it's a responsibility. Not everybody rises to the occasion, but that's like the bare minimum - taking care of your kids' physical and financial needs."

She says caring for your child is the bare minimum you can do as a parent (itsme_lisap/TikTok)

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"Level above that is their emotional needs, which good parents do, but all of that is not a contingent relationship. You're not loving and providing for your children with the expectation that they will blindly obey and do whatever you say as adults.

"Honestly, if you're raising your kids well and you're like an emotionally mature person, you don't want them to blindly just accept things that are not good for them.

Lisa finished off by saying that she and her husband regularly talk about all of this and hope that they will have done a good enough job of raising their kids that they'll want to have a relationship with their parents once they reach adulthood.

"But, the kicker is, you don't get to pick your kids, you don't get to pick who they are, or the struggles they have, or their personalities, so is there a chance that they move to Norway and don't wanna' hang out? Yeah," she said.

"Is there a chance that they're completely not like us and don't ever wanna' talk to us again? I hope not, but it's possible. They're people!"

But, while Lisa's argument made perfect sense to many parents and non-parents on TikTok, others pointed out that many people view their children as extension of themselves, which is why they expect a certain level of relationship from them throughout their life.

"Wrong way to look at it. If their parents helped raise them, got them to where they are today, then they owe everything to their parents that explains why they were successful then as they are now," one person disagreed.

Meanwhile, another one argued: "My kid won't respect me if I don't show respect first. we are the grown-ups, take accountability and hold yourself to the standards you will teach your children."

Do you have a story to share? We want to hear all about it. Email us at yourmirror@mirror.co.uk

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