A mother who chose not to have any more children due to a lack of help with childcare says she was left furious when her mother-in-law said they 'never asked her' to care for the child. The woman, who took to Mumsnet to share her anger, said she's spent over £40,000 on childcare for her mother-in-law to say eight years later that her and her partner wanted to do it all on their own.
In the post the woman said that when she was pregnant with her first child, her partner and mother-in-law had a conversation where she said she would not be helping with childcare. The couple were "a bit angry and disappointed and completely let down" by the decision, with the woman's own parents living over 200 miles away and unable to help out.
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The mother decided not to raise the issue with her mother-in-law as she had made her decision and said that she was of course well within her right to make that choice. The grandparents were present until the mum went back to work and until they could find a placement at a nursery but after that it completely stopped.
Now eight years and some £40,000 in childcare fees later her husband was chatting to his mum when she said that she had bumped into a friend in town who was with their grandchildren. The friend asked if she helped with childcare to which the mother-in-law said: "Oh no, they are really good. They want to do it themselves and have never asked for help."
The couple say they were left furious as this was not what she had said all those years ago. The woman said her husband immediately corrected his mum and reminded her of what she actually said while his wife was pregnant. In the post the woman said her mother-in-law then got all confused and said she couldn't remember saying that and that she felt bad about it.
The woman said: "Why would she do that? Tell us one thing and then say something different to someone else and then tell my husband!!! I was so confused (and seething with anger)." She added: "Her decision affected my choices. I decided that I didn't want any more children as we were getting zero help and it was costing us a fortune. We both work full-time and it was really hard with no help from family.
What's your thoughts? Let us know in the comments.
"I can just see this causing problems in the future as I am really resentful of her initial comments eight years ago, and what she said a few weeks ago has just made it worse."
In the comments some said: "You are being unreasonable to be so entitled about someone else’s time. It all sounds extremely childish. I do think grandparents should want to help but not necessarily as a regular childcare thing. Nobody should be obliged to do that. You’re pretty foolish to not have another child out of spite for the situation. You’ve made your own decisions. None of it is on her."
Another commented: "I wouldn't be helping her whenever she needs it down the line. But she should not be held responsible for your life choices either." And another added: "My cynical side thinks it’s super convenient she can’t remember saying that. I’m guessing her about turn is a bit of wanting to look good in front of her friend and / or realising she isn’t getting any younger so may need help from yourselves. I would continue as you are and if she wants / need help as she ages then l would not assist. Obviously your husband can if he wants but l wouldn’t get involved."
