Many former spouses can and do remain on friendly terms after a divorce, with good communication being particularly helpful if children are involved.
However, there should be mutual awareness of any boundaries that shouldn't be crossed, especially when the time comes to move forward with new relationships.
A mum-of-two has recently found her personal boundaries being sorely tested after being asked to bake a cake for her ex-husband's pregnant girlfriend's gender reveal party.
Now, as much as you may like your ex's new partner, this is certainly a big ask of anybody and it's completely understandable that this mum opted to decline - especially as it's the same woman he cheated on her with.
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Taking to Reddit's Am I The A**hole forum, the conflicted woman explained that she is a professional baker who runs "a pretty successful baking company in our small town". As part of her business, the 23-year-old makes a variety of custom-made desserts, with her range including gender reveal cakes.
However, she was left in two minds after her ex-husband's new girlfriend rang her up to request a gender reveal party cake of her own, explaining that it would mean a lot to her if “the mother of her baby’s siblings made the cake for the party”.
Now, like many former partners, the baker and her 35-year-old ex have a complicated history. They ended up filing for divorce during her pregnancy after she discovered he'd been cheating on her with his current girlfriend. The "sweet" girlfriend had no clue that he was married at the time, a factor which the former wife "firmly believes".
After the birth of their now one-year-old twins, the poster, unfortunately, had to undergo a partial hysterectomy "due to a lot of complications from that pregnancy". While her husband was carrying on with his affair, she was on bed rest.
The baking good businesswoman wrote: "I told her I had to think about it but eventually told her no. I am admittedly incredibly bitter at my ex for cheating on me while I was bedridden and medically fragile being pregnant with his children, and I don’t want to be involved in the celebration of their new child. I did specify that it wasn’t her, but I couldn’t do it and she said alright and hung up".
After this phone call, her former husband rang her, accusing her of "being rude and unreasonable and completely unprofessional putting our issues before my business". After informing him she was allowed to refuse service to anyone, she hung up.
Asking Reddit users for their thoughts on the matter, the poster reflected: "I feel like I have let my feelings get in the way of my business and if I made the cake it’s not like I have to be there to celebrate. On the other hand, I do feel like I’m allowed to refuse business however I see fit".
She also asked commenters not to view the situation as a case of her ex being happy and her being lonely. Having remarried in November "to a wonderful woman", she has "a great support system" in place, but can't help but feel bitter about how she was treated during such a vulnerable time in her life.
Those in the comments section have shown support for the poster's considered decision, with one person writing: "As long as you handled it calmly, it's all fine. Also, that's quite some stones they have, to request such a service from you...!"
Another said: "The amount of grace you’ve shown this woman and the situation is admirable. But you’re allowed to be a little selfish here".
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