A mum 'grieved for the wrong child' after she prepared for one of her twin babies to die, only for the other to pass away.
Charlotte Cowman feared her son Eli would die as he was blue and ‘as small as her hand’ when he was born, while her daughter Tia Mae seemed to be healthier.
Both were extremely poorly when they were delivered at 23 weeks after Charlotte’s waters broke unexpectedly, BirminghamLive reports.
She started grieving for Eli after he was born, although it was ultimately Tia Mae who passed away - whereas her son survived.
The tot’s heart rate dropped on her 13 th day in Birmingham Women’s Hospital's specialist neonatal intensive care unit and she tragically passed away.
Charlotte said: "I had started grieving for my baby before it died … but what I didn’t know is that it was the wrong one."
The mum, from Redditch in Worcestershire, was rushed to Birmingham Women’s Hospital after her waters broke in February last year.
A swab revealed she had an infection, which had turned to sepsis, meaning the birth could no longer be delayed and Charlotte had to have a Cesarean section.
Tia Mae and Eli were born alive but very poorly on February 28, 2020, just ahead of the first Covid lockdown.
As she was still recovering from her general anaesthetic, Charlotte didn’t see the babies until the next day.
"I went down to see the babies, who were in different rooms, and remember being really apprehensive about what to expect," she said.
"I saw my boy, Eli, first. He was just so tiny – the size of my hand – and so blue. It was a shock, but as soon as I touched him I felt a wave of relief.”
She then went to see her daughter, Tia Mae, who looked a lot healthier than Eli, although they were both very poorly.
As the days progressed, Tia Mae seemed to be coping well, despite a couple of setbacks. However, it was clear just how sick Eli was, and there was a very good chance he wouldn’t make it.
On their 13th day on NICU, Tia Mae’s heart rate dropped suddenly. Charlotte watched from outside Tia Mae’s room as the doctors and nurses worked to save her but, after half-an-hour, the doctor came out and told a hysterical Charlotte that there was nothing more they could do.
Charlotte went in and held Tia Mae in her arms while she died.
When the time came to say goodbye to Tia Mae, Charlotte wrapped her up and took her down to the mortuary in the basement of the hospital.
Charlotte, who has three older children, said: "I just remember thinking, ‘oh my god, I have to leave my baby here?’
"We passed what looked like a service entrance, there were spare beds on the side. It just looked so industrial. I had only just lost Tia Mae, but this felt like another trauma I had to endure."
Unfortunately for Charlotte, she didn’t have much time to grieve properly, with Eli still poorly. In total, he was in hospital for four months, and there were at least three occasions when she thought she was about to lose him, but he pulled through, and it was an emotional goodbye for Charlotte and the NICU team after so much time together.
Due to his premature birth, Eli is deaf, has lung disease and other developmental issues, but Charlotte is thankful every day that he’s still here.
Charlotte says: “Going through an experience like this, it completely changes your outlook on life. You’re changed forever, it can never go back to how it was before, but I’ve had to come to terms with that. This trauma has made me who I am today.”
Now Charlotte wants to support other families who have tragically lost a baby and has pledged her support to Birmingham Women’s Hospital Charity's mission to raise the next £1 million for its Woodland House Appeal.
Woodland House will be a purpose-built centre offering a safe and serene bereavement centre where parents can receive the best aftercare, following their baby loss.
It will feature separate and private access and will boast bespoke counselling rooms, a private garden, a large communal lounge area for support groups, and a family room with its own private access and garden.
There will also be a private and sensitive mortuary, offering families the opportunity to spend time with their loved ones in comfort and serenity – something that Charlotte says would have made a massive difference to her experience.
"I know that if Woodland House had been here, that would have saved me from the extra pain of that horrible feeling," said Charlotte.
Woodland House will be the first of its kind in a hospital setting and it is hoped it will improve the lives of approximately 2,000 women who experience loss at the hospital every year. Find out more and make a donation here.
Miranda Williams, head of public fundraising at Birmingham Women’s Hospital Charity, said: "Our bereaved families will never forget the time they spend with us and whilst we can never ease the heartbreak of losing a precious child, we can create an environment that recognises and honours their loss.
"With our plans for Woodland House, we’ll be setting the standard for pregnancy or baby loss aftercare, nationally. It means that, in the future, women and couples facing the terrible shock and distress of loss will be able to spend time together as a family in a quiet, non-clinical space away from the hustle and bustle of the main hospital.
"They will be given all the privacy and support they need during one of the most upsetting and difficult personal experiences imaginable.”
