'Mum, Dad, there is something I need to tell you'

“I told my friends. The close ones at first. This was during the age when everyone was finding their sexual orientation. I told my best friend that I am gay and then she told me that she actually liked me! They were accepting so there were no negative reactions from them." Photograph: Sonalle/Sonalle

"I fancied my work experience teacher when I was six. I wrote her a love letter, telling her that I loved her. She thought she had to become a mummy figure to me. I never told my family that I was gay because they always knew from a young age." Photograph: Sonalle/Sonalle

“I told my mum when I was 16, one Christmas eve. My eldest brother was 14 and the other was four. My mum was in the kitchen washing up. We had just eaten. I thought it would be the right time because it's family time and the mood was happy. I said, 'Mum, I need to tell you something.' She turned round and it was like she already knew. She said, 'What is it?' I said, 'I can't ‘tell you at the moment because the boys are here.' Then she mouthed the words, 'You are gay.' When the boys went to bed, I told her and she said it was absolutely fine, I'm still her daughter at the end of the day." Photograph: Sonalle/Sonalle

“I told my mum initially because I'd fallen in love for the first time. I wrote her a letter. I told her that I'd fallen in love and that I was a lesbian. She had to ring me at this particular phone number to tell me that it was all OK and I was still her child. She called me up and told me that everything was fine, 'I love you and I always knew anyway.' She was just waiting for me to tell her. She told my dad and brother and sister, they all accepted it. I never had any adverse reactions.” Photograph: Sonalle/Sonalle

“Until I came out my parents and family, it was all about hiding. I always felt so guilty that I was lying to my mum and my grandmother. After I came out, I realised I had their support and I didn't have to lie anymore. I had support that a lot of people in Jamaica didn't have; especially in the poorer areas where everyone knows everyone else's business." Photograph: Sonalle/Sonalle

"One day my mum said, ‘What's the matter with you? I try to make you happy but you are always so miserable. Why can't you be like your cousins?’ I said, ‘Mum, I like girls.’ She looked really confused. She's a proper Asian housewife. She just couldn't understand it. I said it again, ‘I love girls.’ She looked at me as if she was about to throw up. I'll never forget that face that she made. It's really painful when I think about it. She looked really scared, disgusted and confused.” Photograph: Sonalle/Sonalle

"I didn't tell my parents. They just came to find out. My dad wrote me an email saying that he was disgusted to see all this lesbianism and that from now on I'm on my own. I emailed back, ‘If that's the case, that's fine. I won’t come home.' After a few days, they wrote back saying, ‘We didn't mean that...’ I didn't go back to their place, I went to my girlfriend's. She was at work when the police turned up to take me away and put me in a mental hospital. They locked me up for three days. I had to lie to my parents: ‘I'm gonna change my way to what you say.’ When I said that, they brought me back home. I wasn't allowed my laptop, I wasn't allowed my phone, my door had to be open, it couldn't be locked. I ran away. I jumped over the wall at nighttime with nothing but a bag full of knickers, my passport, my birth certificate and my bank cards. They know I'm a lesbian but I don't think they've accepted it or they ever will accept it." Photograph: Sonalle/Sonalle

"My mum was a nurse so I used very technical terms, ‘Mother, I'm a homosexual.’ She sat down on her bed, took out her cigarettes and promptly smoked 10 non-stop. She said, ‘How do you know? Which old man touched you up?’ I said, ‘No one touched me up. This is how and what I've been ever since I was 13.’ " Photograph: Sonalle/Sonalle

"When I was 16, I wanted to tell my family. I would drop little hints and not necessarily get the reactions I wanted. I always found it easier to write about personal things, so I decided to write my mum a letter and put it in her bag one morning when she was going to work. I said that I was gay and I wanted her to be OK about it. I think I said I feel like it's a good thing, not anything I want to be ashamed of or want to hide. When she came home she gave me a big hug. She was really positive about it." Photograph: Sonalle/Sonalle

“I told the family when I began to argue for gay rights. Mother turned around and said, 'You know when you are doing this, we don't believe you.' I felt like I had told them and they had twisted it round to make me feel comfortable. I gave them hell for two years and turned them into vegetarians.
When I was 18, I came out to friends. That was easier. They didn’t take it as a threat to their lives and everything they stood for. I was drunk. I went into shock for the rest of the evening. I didn’t drink anything more. It’s gotten a lot easier with time. Coming out never stops. There are people you have to tell. All the time, everyday, and you do.” Photograph: Sonalle/Sonalle

“I'm only out to my brother. I came out to him when I was 19. I was reading a gay themed novel in my holidays from uni. My brother came up to me and asked me what I was reading. I showed him the book. He took it, read the blurb and was like, ‘You're always reading books about that?’ I said, ‘What do you mean about that?’ ‘About being gay’ I didn't expect to come out to him in that moment but I said, ‘Well, that's because I am gay!’ There was a huge pause and he was very quiet. He didn't speak to me for a whole day. I was pretty scared. I didn't know if he would talk to me or what kind of reaction he would have. He just wasn't talking to me. The next day, he came up to me and hugged me. He said he'd talked it over with his best friend that he was now totally fine with it, and he loved me." Photograph: Sonalle/Sonalle

“I told my mum two months ago on the phone. She was quiet for five minutes and then she changed the subject. I came to England six years ago because one of my friends told my family that I am lesbian. I left my country because my family needed to clear that shame; being lesbian in Palestine is not easy. (If I stayed) they would kill me. This is our culture and religion as well. You can't be lesbian. The normal thing is to be with a man, straight, make family and have children. Anything else is not normal. If my family didn't do anything, there is Hamas; where they can kill you for no reason. If you don’t practise the religion or are lesbian, they can kill you and no one will ask.” Photograph: Sonalle/Sonalle