A mum has been branded "selfish" and "lazy" for refusing to give up her "Christmas Day nap" in order to host her husband's family.
Taking to Mumsnet's popular Am I Being Unreasonable [AIBU] thread for advice, the mum explained she has been clear throughout her marriage that she's never going to be the "wife/mother who hosts Christmas" after watching her mum "tear her hair out" and "ruin" Christmas every year.
She said she buys her children's presents, makes all their favourite food and then naps on Christmas Day while her husband does the cleaning up.
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Recently, she's discovered her husband's family think she's "incredibly lazy and selfish".
In her Mumsnet post, she explained: "Ever since I first met dh [dear husband] I made it very clear that I would never be the wife/mother who hosted Christmas. I grew up watching my mother tear her hair out every year at Christmas time, trying to be superwoman and as a result she would lose the plot and ruin Christmas. Every. Single. Year.
"So I vowed I would never be that person. I buy the children presents, I make all their favourite food, and I usually have a nap on Christmas day while dh cleans up. I've also said that dh is free to invite whoever he wants to Christmas dinner, the door is open to anyone who wants to come, I'll provide booze and snacks, but it's up to him to "host" as such, as I'm not giving up my Christmas day nap. It's come to my attention that dh"s family think I am incredibly lazy and selfish. AIBU [am I being unreasonable]?"
Fellow Mumsnet users took to the comments section to share their thoughts.
One said: "You made it pretty clear from the start. Ignore his family".
Another said: "YANBU. You've made your boundary clear. If he chooses to host, he's free to do so, and you'll support him in that effort (booze and snacks). Unless it's your DH [dear husband] complaining, then I'd ignore it. Sounds like his extended family wants someone to do all the work for them, and have decided since you have the uterus, it's your job."
A third said: "Good for you. I'm not being that martyr either."
Offering a different perspective, one Mumsnet user commented: "Of course you do realise that you don't have to be your mother in terms of how doing Christmas dinner ruins Christmas? It's actually possible to enjoy making Christmas dinner! Voted yanbu [you are not being unreasonable] though as do what works for you, and ignore what DHs family think. Who told you tho? DH?"
But some Mumsnet users thought she was being unreasonable. One said: "Well yeah, you are. Why can't you both host together occasionally?"
Another said: "I think YABU to suggest that people can come round but then to go off to bed. I would feel very awkward as an invited guest if an adult in the house was in bed. Are the guests supposed to be quiet? No music or TV? No laughing? I’d feel very awkward and would be concerned that I’d end up waking the person up."
And another added: "You don’t sound great, but on the other hand you aren’t imposing on anyone. Not surprised you are being judged on your immovable ‘Christmas Day nap’ but you do you".
In follow up comments, the mum explained she gets up early every Christmas and bakes cookies with her children while waiting for everyone else to wake up and ensures the house is packed with everyone's favourite food. She and her husband always host because their home is large enough to accommodate extended family.
She added: "It's always at our house as we have a big house and a lawn that's big enough for several tents - so my approach is "all welcome, grab a tent, here's a sleeping bag, help yourself to food and drink". I am NOT running myself ragged cooking sprouts that my children hate, making beds, doing laundry, cleaning loos, topping up drinks etc. Everyone is welcome, the fridge, freezer, and pantry is full to bursting, have at it, let's just relax. I should also add, that I have zero issue with anyone else grabbing a nap after lunch."
At the time of writing, 66% of Mumsnet users voted the original poster was not being unreasonable.
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