Planning a birthday party for a child isn't always easy, and costs can skyrocket quickly if you plan on letting your little one invite everyone in their class at school. And while setting a limit on the invites will make for a more manageable bash, you then also run the risk of leaving out some kids and making them feel bad about not getting an invite.
That's the dilemma one mum faced when she told her son he was only allowed to invite his five closest friends to his eighth birthday party earlier this year. To make up for the limited invites, the mum made cupcakes for her son to give to his other classmates at school, and even made sure to send the invitations directly to the kids' houses so that none of the other children saw them being handed out.
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But after the kids returned to school after the party and raved about how much fun they had, the parents of the kids who didn't get an invite were furious - and still make snide comments to the mum six months later.
In a post on Reddit, the woman, who is from the US, claimed: "I am a mother of a wonderful 8-year-old son. This whole thing happened in April, but I am still getting complaints. So here I am asking strangers for a judgement on the internet.
"So last year was my kid's first year in 'big kids' school' as he calls it, since his first grade coincided with the pandemic. We are not in the best place financially; like most families, our consumer debt piled on and we are throwing every spare cent at it.
"When it was time to throw him a party, I only invited 5 of his classmates, the ones he considered his friends. For the others, I sent two dozen cupcakes and juice boxes to class. The invites were delivered to their houses and not in front of the other kids.
"Like I said, money was tight so I got creative. I made nine small cakes with buttercream in different colours. I also made big sugar cookies and different coloured frosting and sprinkles. Finally, I bought tortillas, made pizza sauce and had a variety of toppings. I asked that the kids bring swimsuits and water guns.
"We had a make-your-own pizza station for lunch, then they played with their water guns. Then they decorated their cakes and finally their cookies to take home with them. That was a Saturday.
"The next Monday, the kids would not stop raving about how fun the party was, and how it was the best birthday party ever. The other kids were not happy to not be invited.
"At pick-up on Tuesday, a couple of mums confronted me about not inviting their kids. I said that I am sorry, but it was a small party for his close friends only. They kept complaining about me excluding their kids.
"I didn't take it seriously then, but now it is a new school year, almost 6 months later, and I am still getting the occasional comment thrown at me."
The mum explained in the comments that inviting the whole class would have meant 23 people, which would have been more than four times the cost of the party for five guests.
And commenters were split on the issue, as some said they could understand why kids would feel left out, but at the same time they also fully sympathised with birthday parties for over 20 children being far too expensive.
One person said: "I am conflicted on this one. I don't know when it became the norm to invite the entire class to a birthday party but I greatly appreciated it when I was in school. I see the benefits of including everyone. At the same time, I understand the drawbacks like how much of a financial burden it can be."
While another added: "You had to assume there would be hurt feelings from the kids not invited, and those feelings are valid. But the mums should not have attacked you for it, and should not still be bringing it up. They should have used this as a teaching moment for their child, and it sounds like they taught the wrong lesson."
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