Well being progressive is so fun? I said to Mummy you MUST try it, she’s like, darling are you SURE, what is involved, I’m like, honestly it is super easy now and again you just go *progressive voice* God they SO ought to do something about poor people? & everyone goes God IKR, then you go back to normal, then you go *shocked tone* God & how majorly bad is like, racism, yadda yadda yadda, then *concerned face* would not your dream prison have like, divine scented candles in every cell #GreaterBritain & everyone goes God I think I love you.
Mummy’s like, and you can eat & drink normally the whole time? I’m like, totally, everyone says Dave looks fabulous since he turned progressive #betterthanbotox she’s like, & you do not have to talk to awful men in vests, I’m like are you joking, just hire Andy Adonis as your personal trainer, literally he has worked with everyone, basically being progressive is like stretching, it takes just a few seconds, you can do it anywhere, but the results are srsly transformational? Eg Dave has these super progressive thoughts when we are chillaxing in front of Bake Off, like, what if prisoners did the Bake Off washing up as a punishment #winwin, Govey’s like, awesome, noted :) Nancy’s like but Dad, doesn’t Bonkers Whittingdale hate Bake Off? Dave’s like not that I heard darling, she’s like plus Dad, do they watch it in China you know what Hunty said, he’s like, I have literally no idea, she’s like, & what about tax credits?
I’m like Nancy did you not HEAR where Daddy said in Greater Britain nothing is written? As in literally? So nothing that Oik & Bonkers & Theresa & Hunty say stops Daddy being totes progressive? Nancy’s like, u wot m8, aren’t we Conservative? I’m like, well Oik & Theresa are very sweetly & kindly doing that so Daddy doesn’t have to, I just wish someone would tell Mrs Merkel :( Because we told her it was Dave’s birthday as in *hint* banging on about Syria is NOT his idea of a treat #downer? She was like, Und? Dave’s like, Angela, my dream is a Greater Britain where nobody will EVER have to do boring stuff on his actual birthday, she’s like, she’s like, Ja, right, in your dreams :(((
