Well being on WhatsApp is SO fun? Nancy is like *yawn* how long have I been telling you, but Dave is SO excited, he’s like, honestly Nancy, you promise I can swap bantz about eg Theresa & be 100% sure she will never find out, Nancy’s like, correct Dad, let me show you, OK what do you want to say, he’s like – send this to Oik: “Wassup ma man, how sick was my *Farridge* joke #PMQs???!!!”
Nancy’s like, OK so now I press send, Dave is like wow, this could be srsly life-changing, she’s like, so now Oik has replied, “Fo shizzle #topbantz, mate when you said PONCEY I thought I wud literally piss myself, God did u see Chris Bryant’s face, how do you like my new hair, I think it is too short but Thea says I look *quite* the elder statesman those R her actual words!!!!” Dave’s like, who shall I WhatsApp next? Nancy’s like, but Dad, aren’t you, like, busy? Dave’s like, how many times, with Corbyn there is no busy, now let me look – Clarkson, no, Coulson, no, Crosby, no, Freud, no, Green, oh Christ no, Hilto, no, Murdoch, no, Rebek- … look, who does Mummy want to WhatsApp?
I’m like, ha, Sarah Govey, Nancy’s like, but Mum you already snapchatted your bottom to her? I’m like, & can you believe she sent hers back? Write “So u picked the Sun for your next betrayal, stay classy Sarah your 30 pieces of silver are in the post #Judas #disloyalty.”
Nancy’s like, omigod she has already replied, she says, “So who swore in public Sam, just wish I had livetweeted it, no need bc everybody already hates u, PS hope we can still be bffs kiss Florence for me – & #godmotherlyhint try not to leave her in a pub #socialservices, luv u lots Sarah.”
I’m like, write “Oh just do one”, Nancy’s like, wait, now she says “PPS M says tell D stop trying to make Farridge happen, it’s not going to happen”, I’m like, write, “Elephant lamps #expenses”, Nancy’s like, please, be careful Mum, I’m like, quick, what does she say?
Nancy’s like, she’s put “Knock-off Arco lamp #illegal”, what does that mean, Mum? I’m like, it means it’s war. Bring. It. On.
