Well, I suppose I am used to freezing, but Mummy is like, Lanzarote, of all places, I’m like, well it was that or the bloody Lake District, she’s like, darling, Lanzarote practically IS the Lake District, only with more jellyfish, I’m like, well you try persuading the backbenchers to let us even leave the country, I swear we only got Lanzarote because Dave said sunshine breaks are where he does all his best thinking, eg last time he thought it would be fab if all backbenchers went to the Lake District, to encourage British families to take their Easter holidays in the North lol. Mummy’s like, but how simply brilliant, I’m like, IKR, but the backbenchers were all like, but wah how can we think in Grasmere, it’s COLD, Dave’s like, your POINT?
But Mummy is right, I said to Dave, babes, srsly, what IS the point of Mr Corbyn if we still have to go to Lanzarote? It is like having a massive Selfridges voucher & spending it all in the Topshop concession, Dave’s like babes, do NOT mention Topshop, I’m like, God whatever happened to Uncle Phil, he’s like, OR its proprietor, I’m like, remember when he was always round at ours #goodtimes #efficiencytsar did he cash in his pension or something, Dave’s like, OR pensions, I’m like, why not, what is the point of Mr Corbyn if we can’t say exactly what we like – he’s like, babes, did you see the C-word’s new jacket? I’m like, IKR, God how genius is your mother, people say in a dim light he looks almost electable, Dave’s like, and that is why we are not in Thailand but in Lanzarote, correction, in this only moderately warm but still-arguably-one-nation Easter thinking destination.
Nancy’s like, Dad, it’s 15 minutes since we landed, have you finished thinking now? He’s like, bear with while I make a note, non-swank, this may be my best thought EVER, Nancy’s like, yay, you sorted the £4bn black hole! Dave’s like, better – remember last holiday I ate Pringles, humilitywise? We’re like yes, he’s like, what say this time I visit the hotel buffet? We’re like, as in literally EAT, he’s like, literally, we are all just totally OMG #genius #onenation :)))
