Ryanair is unbelievable. Totally who knew because everybody is foul about it, but once we'd left this hideous departure lounge, because Craig Whatever told Dave we had to wait until some random civilian took a picture, Mr O'Leary just could not do enough, and I worried about hand baggage but O'Leary said up to a foot over the regulations was fine and forget the weight, he just hoped we'd packed enough, with the heat. And they have this brilliant system where you can sit anywhere and O'Leary carries your bags on whistling When Irish Eyes are Smiling then he personally brings hot towels and champagne and delicious sandwiches and there was just enough time for his signature de-stressing back massage before we arrived, then he insisted on refunding the fare because Archipelago hadn't finished. So I said to Mummy maybe it was a good thing we had such a nightmare in Granada being harassed 24/7 because it's like Dave's husky, now we never have to go on another holiday from hell to show how much we totally love people from Sheffield. I reminded Whatever that Sheffield is actually my name, which is more than you can say for most people from Sheffield, but no, we had to literally live it, thank you O Letwin.
I told Anya it was all jealous-makingly blissful, obvs, because she is still swanking about this new boutique resort in Rwanda where you stay in bespoke luxury treehouses among the gorillas, and Tamara booked as soon I told her about trainee picadors doing divine Spanish acupuncture, lolz, but that can't make up for the horror. Dave is in total grovel mode going next time babes, but I am secretly praying for AV because otherwise when will this ever end? Mummy wanted to organise counselling, because it so helped her after that time trying to buy tights in Dubrovnik, but there isn't a spare hour before the wedding. But I have been feeling a tiny bit better since Rebekah got back in touch, going I do so miss our girl talk Sammy, give me a date for Chumpneys, and I checked with Dave and he said it was fine to tell her to fuck right off and I'll see her when she's out of Holloway.
