Well Mummy is SO proud ditto me until I said to Dave omigod you would not believe what Mummy and Willie have done next HE is literally the toast of New York and she SHE has a got about a zillion pages in Vanity Fair #beyondproud #OkaForever!!
Dave’s like, well I hope it did not mention US, I’m like, well not much, it is called Inside the Very Charmed World of British Noble Annabel Astor #hilairbuttrue, he’s like *one nation face* are you sure we are not in it, I’m like, well hardly at all, but do not worry, do you know one single person on tax credits who buys Vanity Fair?
He’s like, excuse me, Oik says that is EXACTLY what they spend their tax credits on after a few gins or a sickie at the races, I hope she did not mention owning four houses including a holiday house with six bedrooms or the new wing at Ginge or you inheriting her old job? I’m like, well only a tiny bit, who cares, I thought we LIKED hardworking strivers who grew up literally in poverty, he’s like *puts on ruthless Euro-negotiator face* good point, I am not sure, let me ask Oik.
Well appaz Beijing srsly does not approve of stories about the Very Charmed World of British Noble Annabel Astor #communist #typical so Dave goes *ultimatum voice* I am sorry to sound uncompromising but I have now drawn up a list of formal demands for your parents, well requests really, actually I prefer to call them objectives, or gentle hints rather, I am all about flexibility, eg, maybe in future they could help us by not showing off about their art collection & billionaire friends & horses & the house of lords & nepotism? Within reason, obvs? Mummy’s like, oh for heavens’ sake. Dave’s like, fine, what if Willie stopped eulogising Mrs Thatcher? Only until we’re over tax credits? Mummy’s like, don’t be ridic. Dave’s like, quite understand, or just cut down on “divine”? Mummy’s like, you really are the limit, Dave’s like *implacable EU negotiator face* well apols if this comes across as super-tough and iron-willed, but all I can say is I totally get it, forget I mentioned it, genius piece, love love love it :)))
