God knows whose idea it was for Dave to meet real people but I counted and last week some real people in the Newcastle Greggs actually got three hours more PM Direct time than I did, and I don't think anyone even noticed except for Mummy and me.
And Dave was so depressed because as well as taking their pulse he had to eat one of their pies and went so OTT going mmm that is just the most delicious ever, you must give me the recipe, that he had to eat a sausage and bean melt, then a yum-yum and when Matt heard he was like, WTF, you do know Newcastle male life expectancy is 44, max? So then I hardly saw Dave all Saturday because he was burning off trans fats and then all Sunday he was re-reading Blair's book to remind himself why the NHS has to be reformed because unfortunately everyone has forgotten, although it would be obvious to anyone in high-end accessories that it just looks completely tired. Actually I might lend Anya the Blair because she is so stuck with her tragic bow motif and Dave has already highlighted all the bits about effecting change, as well as the sex part because we always act it out at parties with Oik as the animal and the Fartmeister as Cherie, lol hilarious.
But now Dave is out being Direct again and I do slightly wonder if it was worth doing the kitchen if he is going to spend the next four years droning on about the Downing Street bunker. Actually the flat is way smaller than any decent bunker but six months ago all he wanted to do was move in, so you would think someone else could do real people, at least while Florence is small. And Mummy said totally call Julian Fellowes, what he doesn't know about real people isn't worth knowing, look at Downton. So when I told him he just had to visit lots of Greggs and take their pulses he was so keen and said oh marv they are quite the most amazing family, Tatler has not been the same since Geordie went to the Standard – I mean, who knew?
