My first solo outing! There was this hysterical waxwork of Dave and when he made some excuse not to unveil it (as if) they said would I? So I'm like, sure, posing with a weird husband dolly on a boiling day when you're massively pregnant has got to be the dream gig, but Dave said oh, go on babes, got to start somewhere, plus if I go he can look too grand for waxworks without actually being rude. And all I'd have to do is smile at the waxwork and go "amazing" – basically, just pretend to be Cleggsy. Although, if I really didn't want to, Nick had offered.
So when I got there everyone was sweet and I found myself saying loads of other random stuff, such as "incredible" and "they are such artists", which sort of reminded people I am a creative person in my own right. Was suddenly quite keen on waxworks – until Cable turned up, waving his new B&Q seniors' card but actually wanting to know if "that orange frock" was new, because he and Mrs C thought so, and did it really send out a helpful message just before Osborne's 40% threat.
Unbelievable – since obviously the tangerine shift wasn't just new, but specifically chosen to flatter Manuel and the losers. You'd think the referendum would shut them up but Dave says little touches still mean so much to them now that I've decided not to call my austerity tote The Vince Bag. Whatever Nick says, I still don't think you can call a luxury handbag after a Liberal Democrat, even when you're channelling a depressiony, Jarrowy, rationingy sort of vibe.
Such a relief to get to the country, even when Hilton dragged us to Cornbury to underline that, underneath, Dave's much more Jackson Browne/trainers than Madame Tussauds/suit. But it was so worth it, with the children on merry-go-rounds and everyone toasting the budget, until there was the inevitable Fawlty Towers ringtone and Manuel's been thinking – again – wouldn't a proper coalition have two waxworks? This time, I actually grabbed the phone. "Loving the whole concept, Nick," I said, "but wait. Wouldn't it be sad if Miriam didn't want to unveil it?"
As seen by Catherine Bennett
