Politics is so full of surprises – who knew that Andy Coulson would turn out to be totally psychic? Every time the phone goes these days it's Andy, which is 1) kind of irritating in fashion week, God knows how he got my number, and 2) strange, since he always knows what I'm doing, even when that's literally impossible. Like, I'm on the way out, the phone goes and he'll say oh are you off out, pity about the traffic, I left you my Sun in the car, all the latest on the Rooneys, unless I'd prefer the Times, plus there's a Sky brochure featuring some great bundles, did I know Sky Multiroom is the perfect way to keep the whole family entertained?
Sweet, I suppose, but like I texted Mummy, it really creeps me out, then suddenly, ping, and I'm like oh my actual God because it's a text from Andy saying he knows he can seem quite creepy, no one hates his creepiness more than he does, but he's actually burdened with this gift thingy which means he hears all and sees all. And before I can go excuse me Mr Weird, I meant creepy as in promoting Sky bundles in Downing Street, he says, seriously, his inner eye can see an unbelievably famous actress – Sienna Miller it looks like – in the Bond Street shop, right now, buying a fashion diary and a small pink notebook with Whatever on the front. So I phoned the shop and it's all true, except she changed her mind at the last minute and picked a Yes We Can! notebook, but still in pink, which is unbelievable.
So when I asked Dave, he said of course babes, paranormal powers are the whole point of Andy, like the oracle at Delphi, but his gift really freaks some people out so we try to keep it quiet. No offence, I said to Andy, when he called 10 seconds later, but I don't see why you couldn't do that from Delphi. Or at least, Basildon, I think he's from Basildon. And if he's going to virtually live here, he could at least prophesy for everyone. It would really have helped to know that Victoria Beckham is doing a signature tote.
