God, so strikes – who knew? I mean, nightmare obvs, when La Mensch announced we were opening Downing Street as this kind of daycare centre for her kids, I went to Dave, babes I swear, how leftwing is that, could you maybe have checked with the people who actually live here, because literally she was texting 24/7 about police checks and allergies? I mean, eggs, lactose and nuts – fine, plus strawberries, tomatoes and gluten you expect, and maybe dust and cats, but apparently one of her kids is Primark intolerant, and she was like, could we ban any poor people, given the potential for contamination?
And I went, excuse me, earth to Louise, the extended living area is one thing but are you seriously expecting me to guarantee the staff kitchen is poverty-free? But Mensch was like, I beg you as a sacred duty to motherhood, promise no one will bring in a cheap bag because trust me, just shoddy saddle-stitching or an inferior padlock could trigger an attack, unless you would confirm you have sufficient paramedics on standby?
Well in the end I was like, enough with the allergens because how embarrassing would it be if the child had a reaction to Theresa's clutch? And Dave went leave it to health and safety babes and put Mensch with Anya, on border control at Luton, lolz.
So then strike-school was so fun! We put up bunting and after the children arrived Govey taught RE, because he is like a legendary Bible expert and explained why all the militants would totally roast in everlasting flames after their children died of pestilence, and they sang this new hymn he has written called Please God Tell Mummy Not to Go On Strike. Then the Clarksonator took them for citizenship, and Uncle Phil did Business 101, Spot lives in Monaco, then Pippa Middleton sweetly organised a party with this amaze Sofie Gråbøl-themed tableware? Because the hottest children's party theme is apparently the The Killing? And the entertainment was a spray tan or botox with a buffet of celery and carrots because Pippa says at seven they are all on diets, and everybody says there is literally nothing about kids' parties she does not know.
