Well I said to Mummy everything is getting *quite* Shakespearean, that part about uneasy lying the whatever, she’s like is there a prime minister in King Lear, I was like, well I would ask Govey except it is totally his fault, & Theresa’s, obvs, Dave feels dreadfully let down, even Mr Cobber could have been more helpful? Considering what he is paid? Dave was like, Lynton, what do I DO, Mr Cobber’s like, not a clue mate, that May bird what do you expect, women eh, but you said the speccy one whatsisname was a genius? Dave’s like, well Govey IS, kind of, Mr Cobber is like, suit yourself mate, sorting your fecking nutters is way above my pay grade, but word of advice? Dave’s like, please, what is it Lynton? Mr Cobber’s like, that penguin suit, was you auditioning for a John Lewis ad, haha Lynton’s joke, but seriously, strategist hat on, just don’t, OK, fucks up the optics, now if you’ll excuse me I need to talk to a Mr Fullbrook about some fags?
Poor Dave looked so emosh, I was like, cheer up bub, call Mr Messina, he will know what to do. Dave’s like, genius, but isn’t it the middle of the night in Washington, I’m like, I am sure he will not mind when he hears about Jacob Rees-Mogg & the legerdemain, think what you are paying him.
But unfort I think maybe Mr Messina was not feeling well, he was like, WTF, WTFingFingFingFingFingFingF, when he stopped, Dave was like so sorry Jim, quite complicated, bear with, basically we wanted to opt back into the European arrest warrant but Jacob Rees-Mogg, you remember his nanny – Mr Messina is like, dude, stop right there with the Mogg, unless I missed the part where you made me your fucking analyst? Dave’s like, b-but – Mr Messina’s like, you pay me, I win elections, kapeesh? Dave’s like, well actually, on that, no offence, but Lynton said you just lost one? Mr Messina is like, quite complicated, this side of the pond losing means winning, Dave’s like, right, just like Democrat means Conservative? Mr Messina’s like, that’s my boy, now if you don’t mind Barry I mean Dave, it’s four fucking am here *line goes dead*.
