ADEL > CHUCK
The season’s over, and nothing of any interest whatsoever is happening. Don’t let these upcoming Euro 2016 qualifiers fool you; everyone’s going to qualify for Euro 2016. So bored minds naturally turn to the world of transfers. And there’s been a reasonably big one today, with Adel Taarabt joining the world-famous Benfica, winners of two European Cups and 34-time champions of Portugal. Given that he’s spent most of his career not playing for Spurs, being unable to get a game at QPR, and failing to establish himself at Milan, it’s fair to say he’s risen without trace.
Of course, if you take everything his former Rs boss ‘Arry Redknapp says at face value – and why not, we’re all innocents trying to make sense of an irrational universe, we might as well start the search for empirical data somewhere – you could be forgiven for assuming that Taarabt, a 26-year-old professional footballer, is very fat, moving around with all the zip and verve of Chuck Blazer on one of his Fifa mobility scooters, the front basket laden with sacks of cake, pork chops, foie gras, coins, etc. But he’s not, is he?
Even if he was a bit chubby, the Fiver isn’t sure what the problem would be, given how a bit of spare timber didn’t exactly do Ferenc Puskas, Jan Molby or Chuck Blazer circa 1990 to 2014 any harm. But the fact he’s been awarded a five-year deal by one of the most storied clubs in the world strongly suggests the scales in the Benfica medical centre remain in one piece. And that Harry might have been exaggerating a little bit back there for effect. As indeed was the Fiver, now we come to think about it. Scotland won’t qualify. Scotland always find a way not to qualify.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“She’s a piece of work” – Sweden manager Pia Sundhage spent her pre-match press conference trying to repair some of the damage caused by her previous acerbic comments about her former team, the United States. She failed.
FIVER LETTERS
“So glad to see that AFC Leopards were featured in yesterday’s Fiver letters. Southampton’s Victor Wanyama played for the club as did his father. Victor is a fine lad and recently donated some funds to the club to enable them pay player salaries. Not enough it seems to stem off the player rebellion” – Samuel Eyinda.
“How many pedants will write in to say, 1) AFC is not an acronym, and 2) Sofapaka (ironically) is – Declan Houton (and no other pedants).
“Given a certain club have banned the Guardian and others, perhaps, as a response, consider only covering the assorted gaffes, cringeworthy statements and general all-round hilarity; ignoring all their on field glory and off field altruism.
As you were...” – Richard Clayton.
“Can I get Rex Shutterstock’s phone number too. He sounds like my sort of guy” – Adoni Patrikios.
“Having noted that the most recent winners of letter of the day were Bertil Murunga, Benet Gladwin, Alys Barber-Rogers, and Roll Over, I’m wondering if the Fiver has resorted to awarding the daily title to whoever has the coolest name ? In hope, I’m changing mine to Alcander Perevine. Any chance? – Gareth Bayford/Alcander Perevine
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is: Jake Bullit.
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BITS AND BOBS
Yohan Cabaye wants to say TTFN to PSG. “If there is an opportunity to go back to England, I hope everyone will be smart enough to do things well,” he comeandgetmeplead.
Not so much “Walking in Memphis” as “Memphis walking in” – Depay has completed his move to Manchester United.
Post-punk alt-rock outfit Interpol have ended a 10-year $20m deal with Fifa. Possibly.
In leaving news, Jimmy Greaves has left hospital a month after suffering severe stroke.
In not leaving news, Zlatan Ibrahimovic has no intention of saying goodbye to Paris.
Napoli have appointed Maurizio Sarri as head coach.
Arsenal have been charged with allegedly breaching football agents regulations over the transfer of the defender Calum Chambers from Southampton.
Robbie Keane is a doubt for the Republic of Ireland after a double tragedy involving the striker’s cousins..
And if you’re a Belgium fan relying on a satnav to get you to Wales –and, let’s face it, we’re all Belgium fans relying on a satnav to get us to Wales in a way – make sure it’s the right Wales.
STILL WANT MORE?
When Paul Doyle, Jacob Steinberg and John Ashdown get together they like to build furniture and then to have a discussion about where it could be placed in a room but this time they put together 10 talking points for this weekend’s Euro 2016 qualifiers.
Barney Ronay likes his furniture like his clothing design – from the ‘50s and ‘60s and of Scandinavian or Milanese origin. He also likes to write about Wayne Rooney.
Watching Aiden McGeady = frustration = furniture getting smashed. So reckons Paul Doyle.
Enough of this furniture talk and more inspirational talk. Stuart James has met up with Jack Rutter, who suffered brain damage in 2009 but is now the England captain for the world championship.
Fancy some more inspirational chat? Course you do. Guam, the tiny US territory located in the middle of nowhere, has just won its first ever World Cup match. Scott McIntyre reports.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace.
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