Do you ever dream of just starting over? Completely changing your life and rewriting your destiny… You’re not the only one. But while some people stay stuck, others throw caution to the wind, and actually do it. Leaving your old life behind is a brave and daring move. Especially when you have no solid plan in place and no idea what the future holds.
People have been sharing the drastic moves they made to get where they are today. For some, it meant letting go of a job, religion, family or friends. Others went all in, officially changing their names and moving away. Then there are those who disappeared without telling a soul. Each story is unique and Bored Panda has put together the best of them.
They might even inspire you to come unstuck. Because, as Benjamin Button once said, “It's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same.”
#1
Not really disappeared, but I grew up as a Jehovah's Witness. It was all I ever knew.
In a nutshell, this is the type of religion where a collective (borg) mind is programmed from your early days. Their studies are set-up in such a way that it will prevent you from asking yourself too much difficult questions.
As long as you're inside, you don't see it like this. It feels protective, safe from all the evil outside.
I married when I was 23, with literally the smartest girl I've ever met in that religion, she was 20 at that moment. We felt like adults but we never really experienced a lot. Her beautiful mind triggered something in my head, I had a very low level of education and suddenly I wanted to go to college. It took me 2 years of preparation (in Dutch: MavoD and Havo5) and at my 25th I stopped with my full time job to study for 4 years in a row.
When I was 29 I had a master degree in Computer Science :)
Now what was the side-effect of all the changes above? I came in contact with a lot of non believers. People with different mindsets, their own mindsets. I noticed more and more that my own mind was programmed by a collective group of people. Just a stupid example, but smoking is not allowed as a Jehovah's Witness. Why not? It's bad for your health. You know what is allowed? Eating 10 cakes a day! There is not rule for that. Now what does this with your mind? You don't learn yourself what is good or not good for yourself. You learn what the community flags as good or bad.
During my study, me and my wife decided to disconnect ourselves from the religion. First in baby-steps, just stop attending meetings for one or two weeks and see what happens. And ofcourse, people show-up and ask why we did not join the meetings. This went on and on and after a year we never joined any meeting anymore. We build up our own life, new friends, focus on study and each other.
When I was 30 or 31 years old, I suddenly questioned myself about my marriage. I still think this was a side-effect of stopping with JW and wanting to revisit every old decision again, making sure it was my decision. Without wanting it, it felt like waking up from a dream. I suddenly wanted to be free. I wanted to experience falling in love as a non JW. I wanted to find out how that was like. I also realized that I still had a very nice, smart and good looking wife. It just in a glitch didn't feel like my wife anymore. I've cried, felt scared, angry etc... but couldn't find the on-switch anymore.
I kept this for myself for 6 months, but eventually I had to tell her. I started to get feelings for someone else too. I never meant to hurt her in anyway, but I did. 6 months later she already had someone else, not a year later she got pregnant. It took us about 2 years before we could just go out and laugh about the good old times. We still regularly join for a lunch or drinks and I see why I loved her, she is still cute.
After my divorce I moved to another city. In the years before I left all my friends and family, most still Jehovah's Witness. So I was like 31, starting over completely. No friends, no family living close by, no history. A mind that was ready to be programmed with my own experiences.
Currently 44, married with a great wife, daughter, own house, self employed in IT. Really happy!
Image credits: MeneerWolf
I'm a firm believer in starting over. And I’ve done it many times. Sometimes it came in the form of quitting a job, or moving to an entirely different industry. Other times, it involved blindly moving to another country. Or buying a one-way ticket and traveling spontaneously for a few months. I don’t regret any of it. In fact, some were the scariest but best decisions I’ve ever made.
There are no rules in life that say we must remain where, or how we are. We aren’t trees, firmly rooted in the soil of the earth. We are allowed to spread our wings and fly. Especially when the place or situation we find ourselves in makes us miserable, no longer serves us or isn't helping us to grow.
As many of the stories shared here prove, running away won’t necessarily solve your problems. But it might give you a new perspective and the courage to face your fears. Or confront your demons. Or live the life you were always meant to.
#2
Not really "disappeared" but started a new life. I was a serious shy introvert when I joined the Air Force at 18. At my first assignment I keep to myself, not many friends, pretty much a boring life existence.
At 20, i got an assignment to Germany. I thought time to switch things up. Nobody knew me, I'm in another country, I can redefine myself. I went 180 extrovert. I was everyone's friend, I gave monthly parties, I was the life of the parties at the club. Everyone knew who I was within the year.
But, OMG, it was exhausting. Being almost everyone's confident, trying to be uplifting with everyone's problems. Being "the cool guy" was serious hard work. I was only in Germany for 2 years. So when I went to my next base, I slowed the f**k down. I'm now a little bit of both and I think I got the balance right.
I don't regret my life in Germany, but I don't think i could live like that forever. It was kind of nice being the "fun guy" for awhile, but I'm glad to be back to my introverted self.
Image credits: capricorn40
#3
I always had fantasies of running away as a little kid, and one night I watched a movie called Paper Planes where that is basically the premise. S**t inspired me and after being a heartbroken 18 year old who just got fired, I left work, got in my car and drove to a new state with my work clothes and $100 in my pocket. Struggling for a few months I finally got my life together. Got a place, apprenticeship, started working out. Although 3 years later and I still struggled with the same problems I wanted to run from. TL;DR it’s a fun adventure but it is not a solution (most of the time).
Image credits: aesopdarke
#4
I went through a period when i was 17 in which i seen my.life as pointless and that i would be like everyone else growing up in my s****y neighborhood in Brooklyn. I was the minority, a skinny a*s white kid in a neighborhood of color .....so fighting was a way of life. Endless fights, fighting for my right to walk down a street, fighting the cops because i was a d**g a****t, fighting inner demons
My parents drank and drugged their way thru life. I KNEW I WOULD DIE A STATISTIC. My friends started dealing d***s to make ends meet... this was my path....
I woke up one day in a house i didn't recognize with a woman whose name i couldn't remember... at 17 i thought my life was over....
I didn't have money to move out or i would have, so i joined the Army and at 18 left "my old life behind".. 4 years later i returned back to that Brooklyn neighborhood and EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE was doing the exact same things (4 years older and everything FOR THEM STOOD STILLALMOS)... drinking d***s and a hopeless cycle i knew was my fate 4 years earlier..... i never went back and settled in Los Angels for a few years eventually living and working in NY again.
My life was never the same, all that was needed was a break from "that life"....
Thats my disappearing act and it saved my life in doing so, im not rich nor am i poor but i made a good life for myself
It all started from that decision to join the army and life has been ok since that time....saved my.life.
Image credits: SpaceGuy1968
#5
I wasn’t the one who left.. but here’s what it’s like being on the other side of things. My best friend left about a year ago. After putting the pieces together.. it really was to start fresh. At first, she left everyone. But I’m the one who was most affected. Purely because it was completely out of the blue. It was really like she had died. She just ghosted me and never came back. I still think about her sometimes.. but I will never forget that day and the weeks that came after. I was a wreck. I cried everyday.. I had multiple breakdowns out of nowhere and all I wanted was to talk to her because she always made me feel better.. but I couldn’t. Because she was no longer there.
In a way, it was like a breakup..except, we were just really close friends. A breakup because of the way I felt inside when she left. I found out the reasons on my own. I spoke to a lot of people who also knew her well and I even spoke to her mom. When I found out the truth, I broke our promise. I regret that but I was so heartbroken that I just lost my mind. For Christmas that last year, she made us friendship necklaces.. I loved mine and wore it every single day. Even after she left, I wore it as a token I guess you could say.. in my head, I told myself “As long as I have this, we will see each other again.” It broke the night I met my first boyfriend. I remember when it broke.. I panicked and tried so hard to fix it but nothing could do it.. My last piece of her was gone. I kept the broken parts but it wasn’t the same.
The relationship we had was one of the most precious things to me.. I’ve only had 1 other relationship that meant that much after that. I pushed everyone out for the longest time. I never smiled and I hated everyone. Even through my first 2 real relationships, I was distant and sometimes cold. Nothing could replace that closeness we had.. not even a real relationship. Then it did. And I finally got my closure. I put everything of hers in a box and hid it away. I deleted her number and erased all of her pictures on my phone. I even stopped going to church because that was the last place I saw her... I go now but not nearly as often.
I still miss her and think about her.. I was never angry but I just wanted to know why.. and even though I know, I still want her to tell me. I understand that she isn’t coming back nor does she want to.. I hope she has a good life and I hope that the reason she left was a cause to make her “better” some would say. She was fine but some didn’t believe that. (It was a church thing) and they didn’t really accept it. All I can say now, is I know it was my fault. Everyone says it’s not. But it was. I didn’t do anything to her but the things that she felt for me on her side were too much. So she just disappeared. I guess that’s my regret.. that I didn’t speak to her about that on the last day I ever saw her. But hey, I’m ok now. I understand and I just wish her all the happiness in the world.
Image credits: Aryk04
#6
I've moved away and changed my name and cut ties a number of times, I have also been so low in life because of it. Its humbled me if anything. I didn't owe anyone money or was wanted by the law, I just wanted to restart again and again and again. I've finally gotten to a place in this life that I think I'll extend my stay. The one thing I regret is not staying connected with my family enough. Things are different now I can fix what I've left to rust.
Image credits: florescent_canvas
#7
I dropped out of college and stopped talking to almost all of my high school friends after I went into severe anxiety and depression. I think excluding myself from other people was the best decision of my life at the time. It gave me more time to be with myself and work through the problems I was facing. It gave me more independence. I wasn't looking for approval from anyone. I did what I wanted.
The seclusion and meditation has helped me so much. It gives me time to reflect on my life and be focused on what really matters.
Image credits: steventhesong
#8
*Disclaimer: this is a long post as its the biggest turning point in my life and Im very passionate about sharing this story when it is relevant because of how profoundly it altered my philosophical approach to life.*
I was about to k**l myself when I was 21. I just turned 21. By then, I had managed to drop out of college twice and a technical school once. I was 8000 in debt, had all the regular adult bills, and lived alone in a studio apartment in Layton Utah. I did the math, and at that rate, id be debt free and ready to make a move by 25. I am 25 now. I cant F*****G... IMAGINE.... What id be like if I chose that route.
Had an acid trip in my bath tub one night, started crying. Realized id rather die than live like this. Realized i'd rather be homeless and busk music than die.. The next day, I quit my job and had no alternatives. Bills were due soon. It was time to lose it all. I took my last 10 dollars to the tea grotto in SLC to wallow in misery.
I posted a picture of myself to a group called World Wide Hippies. At the time (2016) this was a pretty active group. I captioned it with "I quit my job today and I have no plan!“
(heres where all this becomes relevant to the post)
I didnt expect this, but I got 3000 comments. This gave me something to do for the next few hours and eventually I found a comment that said rather non-chalantly "come teach in China lol". I had never heard of this before, really. Of course my initial thought was "maybe ill become an astronaut too, huh? After that i'll just waltz into the field of neuroscience too, what the hell".
I mean why would she assume I could do that? When you have nothing and youre staring at the wreckage of years of terrible choices, something happens to your brain. You become far more open to new ideas than you ever in your life would have before.
I looked into it, and turns out being an illegal immigrant in China was not only feasible, it would be rather lucrative.
Edit: The girl who made the comment agreed to hook me up with a job at her company (a trainer center called Romp n Roll)
2 weeks later I borrowed some money and I was in Beijing. I stayed for almost two years.
First day had me crying in the shower. There are not many words to describe the foolishness and shock one feels when they arrive to a foreign country to start a new life impulsively like this. The regret and fear was insurmountable.
First 6 months had some moments but mostly uncomfortable ones. I was shedding years of bad emotional skin. When you leave everything familiar behind, your beliefs and emotional state don't immediately follow suit. But, over time, you naturally begin to rewire. In the end ive now lived in several countries, back in the states now DEBT FREE Y'ALL!!!!
BACK IN SCHOOL (WHAT!?!)
3.6 GPA.
1.5 MORE YEARS TO GO.
BETTER THAN EVER AT GUITAR.
LOVE MYSELF MORE THAN I THOUGHT POSSIBLE.
CAN SPEAK SOME CHINESE NOW.
MOST IMPORTANTLY I AM FEARLESS.
Because I know there is a strange force in the universe that will catch you if you fall backwards and shuttle you off to your destiny. I truly believe this. Most are just far too afraid to leave it all behind.
Take it with a grain of salt but decimating my life and starting over was the best thing that ever happened to me in every way.
CONSIDER... Just consider.. Falling backwards. You just might land into a field of daisies. When the alternative is unthinkable, thats when miracles happen. Miracles are not god given in the sense that its hand selected. You must cultivate the story and space where miracles can happen. Miraculous lifestyles are a wavelength, not a fluke.
Edit: I feel its important to note that it didnt all just HAPPEN. My demons followed me all the way to China. It was just a new space where I could really identify them and tackle them. It was incredibly healing.
Image credits: rumhamAOV
#9
I cut off my toxic family three years ago. The effect of my childhood with them had led me to collect mostly terrible people as the years went by, and when I realised that and started setting boundaries, most people I had thought of as friends fell off the map too. A year ago, I moved from one end of the country to the other for work. I much prefer the place I live now, and there are a lot more opportunities for community and finding your tribe, but I'll be honest, it's really hard. It's better than carrying on with all those s**t people who attacked, drained and didn't support and encourage you, but it's hard to start from scratch with no support network.
That's life. The difficult decision is usually the right one.
Image credits: freerangephoenix
#10
(TL;DR) I left 3 years ago and completely disappeared with the intentions of s*****e, found purpose and a new love for life. Absolutely no regrets, and no intentions of connecting with my past.
I left home 3 years ago to start again, but that wasn't my original plan. My intentions were to travel until my money ran out (roughly $5000 CAN), and then k**l myself wherever it was that I went broke. I had been struggling with a lot of different mental health issues for years, tried to k**l myself many times but failed, eventually settling on disappearing and doing it this way.
I started by selling everything I own within a 2 week period before my flight to Ireland to hopefully save up some spending money, didn't tell a soul about my plans, and off I went. I spent the next 4 months travelling through Europe eventually reaching Athens, with around $800 left, I decided upon South-East Asia as my final destination and so I bought a ticket to Vietnam.
It was a completely different world, with immense culture shock I set out not really sure what to do or where to go, finding my way to the famous Bui Vien walking street where I met loads of other backpackers.
One person in particular was S, he helped me through the airport by connecting me to someone with the power to provide an emergency visa as I didn't do any research before arrival and was being turned away.
If it weren't for him I would be in a much different situation than I am now.
Anyway, he left the airport earlier than me without exchanging any contact details, but somehow we kept crossing paths in the streets of Ho Chi Minh, spending the night partying together and then going our separate ways. This went on for 3 nights, on the 4th I finally managed to get his contact details to hopefully give me some more tips for the rest of Vietnam and where to go. At the end of the night my phone was stolen.
Around 3:50pm I awoke the next day with the only memory being which bus he was to take to the next town at 4pm, leading me to check-out in a hurry and run down the streets from bus station to bus station in the hopes S would be at one. Eventually I did find him just before the bus was to depart, got a ticket and hopped on, not really sure how much longer I have left to live without the ability to check my savings, I closed my eyes and slept the entire journey.
After arriving in the next town, S had a hostel already chosen for us to stay as it was his 3rd annual trip to Vietnam. The volunteer staff were incredibly welcoming, the hostel being fairly empty due to the off season, I felt almost instantly at home. This is where I spent the next 2 weeks living from ATM trip to ATM trip, hoping that my money wouldn't run out for at least just a little bit longer because I was happy.
It was during the middle of the third week when it happened, insufficient funds, it was time, and I wasn't ready.
It was then and there, standing in front of the ATM with S waiting outside on his motorbike waiting for me to come out, that I realized. I realized I wanted to live, to thrive, to become someone I wanted to, and that I am in the perfect place to do it with the perfect people to do it with.
With so many thoughts running through my mind at immense speed, I decided to sit with the volunteer manager that night to discuss working at this hostel as a way to restart my life. I explained the current money situation and he was more than happy to keep me around with the friendship we had come to build over the previous days spent together. Over the next few weeks, months, and now years I have found a new appreciation for life, the people around me, and happiness.
I am now the manager of the hostel, getting into business with the owner to hand the company over to my team and I, and surrounded by those that I love. I have a 5 year and 10 year plan for the future, goals I wish to achieve, and a beautiful girlfriend I am hoping to build a life with.
If I went back in time, I would choose this again and again, I have absolutely no regrets. I don't keep in contact with anyone from my past and have no idea if they even know I am alive, I think I'd like to keep it that way.
Image credits: Sasquatch307
#11
I left the US to teach overseas. At the time I told my then girlfriend it would be for a year, but I was leaving to get away from her and all the despair I had allowed to permeate my life. It was the best decision I have ever made.
I changed, met new people, got back into decent shape, and met a woman that I married about 8 years later. But it was a process, I had some heavy depression that hung around my neck like an albatross.
I still haven't gone back home save to visit family and an interrim where I was looking to see if the wife and I could settle more easily in the US or in her home country. We chose her home country.
You can leave and change, but it won't be instant and you have to put in the work. Some of your issues may never disappear, so be prepared to recognize that you may have to work with and through your demons forever.
Image credits: kelryngrey
#12
It's good to reinvent yourself every now and then. I've had 'chapters' in two separate states in the last 7 years. Kept some people I met in each place and moved on from others.
I believe I moved on for the right personal and professional reasons. A friend advised me that if you're moving away from something as opposed to towards something, you should really examine your motives.
Some of my high school friends who got married and had kids early feel like they can't move or change, and they seem pretty unhappy.
Advice about 'youll still have to deal with your s**t somewhere else / at a later date' is valid, but at least I can do it now where life is more comfortable and I have more resources available to me.
Don't regret it; on the contrary, it's probably the best thing I've ever done for myself.
Image credits: x_l_c_m
#13
I'm the type of person who lives with no regrets. Moving 4000 miles away from everything and everybody I've ever known has been one of the greatest/most difficult things I've ever done. I didn't exactly 'disappear' but I think everyone understands that I don't expect any visitors any time soon. I did it for me. Sorry, not sorry.
And it has been difficult in many ways. Moving is easy, it's the adjustment to the environment that's hard. I happened to move to a place most people consider to be paradise (Hawaii), but there is a dark underbelly you cannot possibly understand until you live here. Racism runs rampant, income inequality is among the worst in the world, and there are few jobs outside of tourism/hospitality. And that just scratches the surface of the issues here.
That being said, this place *is* paradise and it has afforded me a wonderful opportunity to finally finish my degree, and to connect with nature in ways I could not elsewhere. The possibility of being in the ocean 365 days a year at the drop of a hat, whether that's surfing, fishing, diving, canoeing, etc., is not something I, nor anybody (truly) living here takes for granted.
I barely did any research before moving here. I never even visited. That's because I'm slightly reckless. I knew Hawaii had good weather, good waves, and was expensive as hell. I wouldn't recommend that strategy to anyone. What I would recommend is exercising some due diligence in terms of researching a location to determine if it has the things you're looking for--whether that's climate, jobs, affordability, recreation, nightlife, population, culture, etc., and decide to move based on those parameters.
Or just do whatever. We've only got one life to live. Might as well make it an interesting one.
Image credits: swaite
#14
I moved to middle America in 2009 after the housing market crash. There was work there. Got to be honest it was a really hard transition. I went to a place where I knew no one and had no real safety net. For the first three years I lived in poverty. After bills I had approximately 10-20 bucks a week for food. There were some weeks where it was as low as 5. But things got better and now. I own a home, have a wife, and a job that is rewarding and pays well. I definitely would not have changed those hard years though. Now I can really appreciate all the things that at one point I took for granted.
Image credits: no1everl00ksatnames
#15
This is something I strongly considered doing last fall and even had a plan framed out for myself. I was going to go somewhere deep in the mountains of Colorado and work at a ski resort or lodge, and if that didn’t work out, I’d k**l myself and none of my family would ever have to know about it. I’m glad I didn’t go through with any of it. Really freaking glad actually.
I realized I’m more afraid of what comes with running from my problems than I am of actually fighting them head on.
Image credits: KickinGluteusMaximus
#16
In 2003. Aged 32. Marriage had broken down, ended up in a series of short-term jobs over about a year. Got jack of it. Changed name, moved two states away (it's Australia - states are bigger here). Started afresh.
It's not like I was trying to hide. Just that I didn't bother to tell 95% of the people I knew that I'd gone or where I'd gone.
Image credits: DermottBanana
#17
I left my family home at the age of 18 and never went back. My life improved immensely from just distancing myself from my toxic family situation and I've finally found happiness after almost twenty years of misery. My family has tried to contact me since but honestly I don't see myself ever having a relationship with my parents, siblings, or extended family ever again for the sake of my own sanity. I do feel bad that when I have children my kids will only have one side of an extended family but I have friends who I consider to be my true family, and I don't think my kids would complain about them whatsoever. Besides, I wouldn't want my (future) wife or kids to be around d**g use, crime and sexual abusers anyways.
For anyone dealing with a toxic family, remember the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. You're stronger than you know. This too shall pass.
Image credits: burndt_
#18
I didn't "disappear." I just made a tough decision. Dating was miserable for me in the smallish town I lived in from 2006-2011. First job out of college so I was more worried about the job opportunity than the town. Got to some very low places living there. Only redeeming quality was the number of family members nearby. Ended up regularly driving 1-2 hours just to meet people but it wasn't a long term solution.
Job transfer opportunity opened up for NYC. Got it. Went on more dates in the first month living in NYC than the previous 2 years.
Met my (now) wife 1.5 months into my move. We've been together for like 8.5 years, married for over 6. Prior to meeting her my biggest adventure was Cancun, but now I've been all over the world, really. Saw and did things I never dreamt of back in the 2000s.
And then there's the career. If I had been happy in my small town, I could do perfectly well for myself. Based on my experiences gained in NY and CA, I'm living a life I probably don't deserve. And now I'm getting recruited for executive positions with double the great salary I already had. So I'll be able to help my family out even more, making their lives easier.
If you're unhappy, change your situation. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Image credits: uncleoce
#19
I've more or less done this. A number of years ago I quit my job and moved across Canada on a whim, leaving behind my family and friends. I knew some people there (from the net) who became my new friend base for the years I spent in the new city. I still kept in touch with people from back home, but it wasn't more than an email or two a month or the odd Skype chat with my parents. My best friend was an exception - he moved out there for a short time as well, and after going home we continued to meet online once or twice a week to play games.
I ended up meeting a woman from a different country while in my new city and then, after a few years, moved to that country and married her. I've changed careers completely, live in a country where my language is barely spoken by anyone (I can barely communicate with anyone outside of work, where we speak English), and now only communicate with people from back home (best friend and parents excluded) a few times a year. I deleted everyone except my core group of friends from Facebook, leaving me with about 20 people from an original 250 or so.
I couldn't be happier in my new life. Nobody judges me on my past because nobody is aware of it, and I'm free to exaggerate or leave out any details that I wish when discussing it. Some of my friends from when I moved across Canada also live here now for professional reasons (helped influence my decision), so I still have an opportunity to hang out with them.
Moving across the country or to a new country entirely is not something I can recommend for most people. It's very difficult and requires a high amount of adaptability and resourcefulness. You need to be able to deal with handling stuff on your own without much backup from friends and family and you need to be able to take bad events without breaking down.
That said, for anyone who simply can't stand their own life anymore I think that dropping it all and moving away to start over is a far better solution than k*****g yourself. You won't have to upset or offend anyone by doing so, you won't have to experience trepidation that you might be going to hell for it (if you're religious), and best of all you'll still be alive to experience new things.
I wasn't s******l when I decided to leave it all behind the first time, but I was extremely depressed because I was already approaching my mid-20s and had absolutely no idea what I was going to do with my life in the future. I had a dead-end mind-numbing job, few qualifications to do anything other than customer service or call center work, and had already started to dislike authority and other people in general. My depression lifted as soon as I stepped off the plane in the new city, and although it did return at times I've since completely shrugged it off since moving to a new country.
Again, it's very hard and not something that a lot of people can handle, but it's better than death and can be a great adventure. I can only recommend it for those who have what it takes - don't do it if you have any regrets more severe than "I guess I'll miss some of these people."
No TL;DR, they asked a question and so they get an answer.
Image credits: anon
#20
I used to retreat away from people for years on end. I enjoy the solitude of it but I can't recommend it to anyone.
Image credits: vDorothyv
#21
Being able to start over as whoever you want is liberating. Talking to people who can't judge you for your past is amazing!
Image credits: NIQUARIOUS
#22
I miss my old name, I miss my old job and I f*****g hate managing this Cinnabon.
Image credits: anon
#23
I moved out to Colorado from Houston. In my home state I wasn't surrounded by good things that would encourage me to grow. I was always too much in my comfort zone. That's never a good thing. I wasted a few years of my life that I wish I could've done differently. I was way too immature and it was damaging to my self esteem and motivation. I felt like I'd be stuck forever in that cycle. My friends weren't really motivators or inspired. We'd have our own circle of despair and saying our lives suck, this and that the whole story. We all want to better ourselves but none of us had the drive to do it. I didn't want to stay stuck in the cycle so I felt I had to separate entirely, sort my life out and make the first step to becoming the man I want to be.
I always thought that the only way to combat it was to completely separate myself from the environment, move away from my parents to grow as a person. Get out of my comfort zone.
I moved in with some roommates because I was only paying 350 a month. And it was a pretty good deal. I eventually moved on to my own apartment, and I feel great. I corrected a lot of my bad habits already and I know a lot more things about life, skills adults should have. I've made a step forward on pursuing my goals. I am fully financially independent, not perfect. Only have about a couple Grand in savings, something I need to work on. But hey I'm working on myself every day. I miss my friends and family dearly. But I know that this had to be done so I could grow as a person. I occasionally visit them flying out there 3-4 days occasionally when I have time on the weekend. Don't need to use vacation days when I can just fit it into my schedule. Wouldn't say I disappeared and cut everyone off, because I didn't.
I didn't just say f**k it and move out here either. A very good opportunity presented itself to me, and I took my shot. You gotta do what you gotta do.
Image credits: anon
#24
I was 20, going through a rough time where I grew up, decided f**k it. Moved 2300 miles away, and never looked back. I have a career, own my house, married and have a daughter (the order in which these things happened not importance). I love where I am at, it was hard at first not having friends and things to do all the time, but eventually I made new friends, and it’s all for the better, these friends have my same interests, not the ones I grew up with and stayed friends with because it’s what we have always known. I go visit back home from time to time, visit my family, etc. but I’ve been gone almost 10 years, and it just isn’t home anymore.
#25
Yeah. I had a really toxic relationship with my Dad that contributed to some self-destructive tendencies and mental health instability, which made it really difficult to really get it together. So I severed all ties with him and moved provinces and didn't tell him, or almost anyone. I had one friend here, and an ei claim to live on. I found a job I love and managed to get a loan and bought an off grid tiny home on the top of a mountain, and am the happiest I have ever been.
#26
I became homeless, I got back on my feet, got a job, then I got a home and two cats. I regret nothing.
#27
Moved across the country to FL for school after I got fired from my dream job, cheated on, and lost a chunk of my scholarships for my school in CA in the same month. It did not make me any happier but I did go to school for myself rather than someone else so that’s fun. It did make me realize how much I could miss my friends and family though.
#28
Wouldn't say I became a new person, but I definitely left a s**t situation without telling anyone I was going. It was hard at first, had some damage psychologically. But years later I'm in a much better position, healthier, happier, no regrets.
Image credits: notalentnodirection
#29
It worked for Abel Tesfaye, The Weeknd. It’s how he got his name. Just left his moms house in highschool one weekend.
Image credits: chef_stef
#30
I've done this 3 times in my life. I'll tell you that when I'm gone for good I mean dead I'll be able to say I sought adventure an conqured.
Image credits: bodicyrus
#31
I'm not a dude but about 2 years ago I met a guy playing an online videogame, league of legends. I had a house at the time and lived in Alabama and he lived in Minnesota. I was miserable and hated living there but made a lot of money. I quit my job, ditched my miserable family that never gave two s***s, sold my house, and moved to MN to be with him here. (flew here to meet him first of course.) Now we've been living together in a beautiful apartment for a year. Job wise it's been tough, but I'd never go back for anything. I've never made a better choice.
Image credits: Kodokimari
#32
First rule about starting a new life: you don't tell others you're starting a new life.
#33
*"No matter where you go, there you are" -- Buckaroo Bonzai*
Most ( not all ) of the time people are their own worst enemies and the biggest contributor to their own unhappiness.
Better to work on changing yourself if you want to be a happier person, maybe even with therapy if you can afford it.
Image credits: anon
#34
A couple weeks after I turned 18 I moved back to Florida from North Carolina after being depressed and just generally sad, I worked 2 jobs to save up and took everything I knew I'd need but left behind what was essentially my only family left, my mom and sister. It was the best decision of my life because now, after struggling for over a year to get back on my feet, I am finally becoming the man I've always wanted to be. I ran because I knew I was meant to do something greater, and knew I'd have to sacrifice a lot to do it, but I realized that me being happy is all I've ever wanted, so I went for it.
Image credits: Kyriteon
#35
I moved 20000kms away from my home to get away from my a*****e family, and toxic friendships/relationship.
Turned out ok, 11 years later I still think it was to best move. I wouldn't be where I am today if I chickened out and didn't do it. Both because of the state of my home country, and where those people I left currently are in their lives.
Image credits: itsjustphilly
#36
So important to understand WHO YOU REALLY ARE and the types of personalities that you gravitate to and gravitate toward you. If you dont appreciate this theres a good chance you'll recreate what you're running from in the first place. Face your fears, failure, issues, dependence, and liabilities.. You are a turbine of good or bad energy whether you want to believe it or not. With honesty and a clear idea of what you want in life anything is possible. The people you surround yourself with will help your progression naturally or they will sabotage you without an ounce of guilt or understanding of the situation. If you cant find good sorts to fraternize with then find your own way. May the force be with you.
#37
Kinds fit this. My ex dumping me ended my life. I worked for her family and lost my job as a result. I lived with her and lost my home. I didn't ask our mutual friends to choose between us, but they'd known her for longer and chose anyway. In the end, I had to move in with my family a few hundred miles away.
I didn't become a better or a happier person, but my life was my own to do with as I pleased. I started throwing myself into the workforce, first with one job and then into a second on top of it. I found a better job that paid better than the two combined and went into that.
I eventually moved countries. When I did, I finally acknowledged my own depression. *Then* my life started to improve.
#38
I got stopped in the process of doing so. I got as far as breaking contact with every friend, acquaintance, and non-immediate family (around 200 people) as well as almost all immediate family members. I won’t specify how this process got forcefully interrupted because that’s personal, but I can say without a doubt it was incredibly isolating and took almost cult-like belief that they couldn’t be in my new life to proceed as far as I did. Definitely regret it as it was damaging to most of those relationships and many were irrecoverable. In hindsight, had I gone through with it my life would have been miserable and significantly shorter than what is has been.
#39
Not so much as disappeared forever but, I quit my job and moved to Barcelona for two years without telling my family. My brother just asked me why I had a suitcase packed the morning of my flight and I said “I’m leaving”.
Over dramatic and when I think back I cringe, I really wanted to tell them before the day but I was so nervous to bring it up. I thought it’d sound stupid and I’d be convinced out of it.
#40
13 years ago I moved to Phoenix from Chicago. I went for work but I also went for the weather (I have really bad seasonal depression) and to leave my toxic family behind. Maybe the best decision I ever made.
#41
Going for that pack of cigarettes 20 years ago was the best decision i ever made..
#42
One day I realized my family was very negative about life, did everything they could to cut me down and anything I achieved, they would look for faults. So I moved 3 hour drive away, bought a house, started a new job and completely love it.
In 15 years, nobody from my family has visited me, met my children nor my wife. I do get a call from my mother now and then but other than that, nobody has seen me. I don't miss them one little bit.
#43
Mixed feelings.
I feel like it gave me the freedom to become the truest version of myself I’ve ever been. cutting the ties to your old identity and having a blank slate to make a whole new one... it brings a lot more out of you than you even knew was there. I learned so much about myself through the process, and it gave me a lot more confidence and self-love and understanding. I don’t think I ever would have gotten to these levels in old life. Ever. I am so grateful for the experience for this main reason. I can’t regret it.
on the other hand, I did eventually feel guilty as f**k about the life I left behind. I had to go through a mourning process for my past self. with the empowerment of that blank slate also came the sobering realization that I had essentially trashed everything I’d ever built for myself prior to this. and those feelings were insanely difficult to work through. even worse, it’s not a thing I could talk to anyone about because most people haven’t done it and wouldn’t understand. and there was this constant longing to be able to have the familiarity of the standard relationships most people have: a family, childhood friends, old school classmates, etc. It was very isolating. and I wondered if those people ever thought of me. I felt guilty for removing my role in their life. what would have gone differently if I hadn’t? sometimes I literally felt like I didn’t have the right; like I had m******d my past self, and unfairly took that life from people who knew me.
all in all... idk. it sounds like the cons horrifically outweigh the pros, but I can’t get over how GOOD the pros felt. sometimes I wish I didn’t do it, but usually I’m so glad I did.
#44
Several years ago I cut ties with my family, left my friends behind, and moved to a city where I didn't know anyone.
It was the best decision I ever made. By removing myself from my toxic family environment, I was able to become a person who wasn't just reacting all the time. Anxiety level is so much lower it's almost comical.
Simple geography is a huge factor. My life in Portland, Oregon is much different than it was in Mississippi. People underestimate how vastly different the various US regions are. I always tell people if you don't like where you live, move! Too many different types of places for you to feel "stuck." (I can't speak for non-Americans, but I assume it's the same, albeit on a different scale.)
All of that being said, I didn't end up being a completely new person like I wanted. My habits, flaws, and insecurities followed me. I was able to evolve, but not to the extreme degree I expected.
Even with that, I am much, much happier than before.
#45
>I feel like anyone who feels s******l should consider this as an idea to turn their life around?
I believe that typically s*****e isn't logical. In a thread about it someone related it to jumping out of the window of a burning building. It's the less painful choice for these people. For those people that do take their life due to losing money or relationships, reasons that seem somewhat rational, I'm not sure of the details of that or what percentage those are of the total.
As far as starting a new life, it's something that has always interested me. However there are obstacles. Many people in despair are also in debt. Without committing something illegal or fraudulent they are still going to have to take care of that, and it will be much harder to do if they don't just stay where they are. Of course, having kids or other dependent relatives makes this incredibly more difficult.
I've thought that once I don't have these obligations I'd love to ride a bike across the country. After reading the stories of redditors who have done this, it's not as easy as I'd like. Most of them still spend a few thousand dollars on their trip. After awhile I would want to play guitar with friends, or learn something new on the internet, or not beg to work for food, or to sleep in a bed I could call my own.
Maybe a lot of people who have the drive to do something like this don't need to. If you have the drive to start a life from scratch, wouldn't that better used to improve the one you already have? Unless you are actively chasing something(love, work, a passion) typically you would probably get better results by buckling down, budgeting your money, and seeing a Dr/therapist.
Ninjadit: and if someone is stuck with thoughts of s*****e or despair I hope they get help. I hope this isn't patronizing but seems to say what I wanted to say in a way: http://www.webmd.com/depression/features/depression-why-arent-you-getting-treatment. It seems that often people with untreated depression forget what it feels like to not be depressed and don't recognize their potential to feel better. If you can't afford it there are many non-profit community mental health agencies that will try to work something out.
#46
Nice try, guy I owe money to.
#47
There’s good and bad to it. You have to face yourself eventually even if it’s 5 years later.
#48
I'm 36 or 37 and I now have a q yr old daughter and a baby boy on the way. My wife knows of my previous lives and what I've seen gone through and has told me that she worries in day she'll come home and I'll be gone. She loves me. The live of her and my children keep me here.
#49
I did it. It's been good. Just like any part of life, it's had its ups and downs. I wouldn't take it back for anything, though. There's a certain freedom in it, especially when you know that people won't go looking.
#50
I didn't disappear. Everyone I left knows where I am. However, I do not regret it. I left a very toxic life behind and might be doing it again. Need to talk to some people.
#51
I moved away from all the d**g addicts and bums, and now i have a decent cozy life.
#52
You don’t have to cut ties with everyone. As long as you are a few hundred miles away from someone it’s almost as if you cut them out. You control the amount of interaction very easily.
#53
I moved to another country, been 19 years now and I’ve never thought of going back.
#54
I was in a very a*****e relationship for 5 years. She hsd 2 kids that I loved to death. One night I packed a few things and left when she was asleep. Ended up moving from California to Nebraska and drank more than ever. I worked, did ok, but always felt empty. I had a full dating life etc. but I hated myself with a passion. Fast forward 9 years and I'm married, own a house, have a daughter, and I'm a Therapist. Oh and six years clean in July. No idea how I kept my wife all these years. I was really a terrible person when we met.
#55
I sort of disappeared n wanted a fresh started 4 -6 years ago . broke away from the community / circle from my secondary school and junior college . only had my family members still w me throughout and 1 friend i reconnected w after two years. it was a low and numbing period of my life . BUT BUT I got mentally healthier since last july after i see a therapist at my university bc i almost commited s*****e .
#56
I moved a state away to get away from an a*****e ex and her clinically insane family. Reconnected with my crush from middle school and now we are getting married and having a child and I’ve never been happier.
