“Hi Mom, whatcha doin?”
Two days before Mother’s Day, I was making my almost daily call to my 93-year-old mother who I haven’t seen in six weeks — not because I’m a bad daughter, but because of COVID-19.
Before the pandemic, I’d spent most weekends with her.
I was at her place the March 21 weekend the shelter-in-place order took effect. Surprised the outbreak had come to this, we stayed together longer than usual.
I left her home on March 24. Since then, I haven’t seen those eyes that see through me, her smile that melts stress; not kissed those furrows on her forehead that are filled with stories.
Her age and underlying conditions increasing her coronavirus risk, Mom’s on lockdown, her caregiver furloughed. No visitors allowed, not even her seven kids — except the one bringing weekly groceries, and another cooking weekly meals Mom can grab out of the freezer.
Now her children are staring down Mother’s Day, wondering how you mark a holiday that acknowledges so much love and sacrifice from a social distance.
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“I’ve never seen anything like this in all my years, could never have imagined a time like this, and I’ve survived war,” said Mom. “At least in war, you have an enemy you can see.”
A large family has always meant huge gatherings on holidays.
Marking Easter individually was hard enough. Now Mother’s Day?
This is our queen. When Dad died, five of us were in college, and Mom sold our family’s beloved home to finance tuitions — content herself to struggle, as long as we kids made it.
“Mother’s Day has always been a day I look forward to. That’s the day all my kids are around me. I get lots of flowers — they know I like roses and orchids,” Mom said.
“The kids always book reservations at a nice restaurant, where all of us converge.
“After brunch, they all come to my house and the celebration continues. We talk, and we laugh, and we dance, until very late in the evening. By the time the last person leaves, I’m exhausted. I fall into bed and count my blessings. I’m going to miss that.”
Social distancing robs our ability to give her that surround sound.
“I’m OK with it. We have to obey the rules,” said Mom, a retired teacher.
“In a close family, if one person gets it, it spreads to the rest of the family. So the best anybody can do is try and keep safe by abiding by this lockdown, and social distancing. It’s the only reason I’ve stayed locked up in my apartment for two months now.”
I’ve missed her during that time, and I worry about her feeling lonely.
“The kids are always calling and checking on me. I check on them too, but it’s not the same as being face to face, or having them close to you. That’s the hardest part, not seeing my children whom I love so much,” Mom said.
“But I don’t feel lonesome at all. I have such great faith in the Lord. I know God is here with me. I love his mother Mary and know she is here with me too — and all the angels.”
Mom passes time watching EWTN Global Catholic Network daily following Mass and saying the rosary. She walks in her apartment from one end to the other for an hour of exercise everyday.
Other times, she sits at her window, pondering the empty sidewalks, streets and parks.
“When they issued the stay-at-home order, I thought it was going to be a short-term thing, but after six weeks uncertainty over how it will end is what makes me anxious,” Mom said.
“I know people want to re-open the state to help businesses, but what does it benefit a person to earn all the money in this world if you have to die and leave it behind? I don’t blame the state for extending the lockdown. It’s for the good of everybody.”
So this Mother’s Day, we’ll have breakfast, lunch and dinner delivered from her favorite restaurants. Her flowers have started arriving; gifts and cards are on their way.
And me, I’ll make my almost daily call, not believing it’s possible to communicate so much love, and gratitude for her sacrifices, from a social distance.
“When my children call, just hearing their voices, I’m quite satisfied,” Mom said.
“When you’re as close to your children as I am with mine, you still feel together, in mind and spirit. Tell people to give their mother a call and tell her how much they love her. Their mother will tell them she loves them too, dearly. Don’t worry about not being able to be together. Let’s wait and see what God has in plan for the future.”
OK Mom. Happy Mother’s Day.
