NICE 1-0 INTEGRITY OF THE GAME!
While the arrival of Leo Messi at Paris Saint-Germain was always likely to increase interest in a Farmers League often dismissed by outsiders as more boring than a wet weekend at Pontins, few could have predicted how lively it would become before the Argentinian maestro had even kicked a ball. With so much global attention being lavished on the Parisienne Globetrotters, rival teams have to find their own ways of staying in the spotlight and last night fans of Nice did their best to relegate Messi from the back and front pages by inciting a brawl and subsequent match abandonment more readily associated with the Fiver’s often patronising fabled Fun and Games in South America Department.
In an incident to be filed under Scenes Nobody Wants To See, even though they are exactly the kind of scenes everybody wants to see, these particular Fun and Games took place in the south of France, where ultras behind one of the goals at Nice’s Allianz Riviera stadium had been raining plastic bottles down on assorted Marseille players for 75 minutes of their Sunday evening game. When one finally hit Marseille’s Dimitri Payet between the shoulder-blades as he went to take a corner, the player reacted by doing what is known in the trade as a Carragher and throwing it with considerable venom back into the crowd.
Cue: bedlam. Like so many other football fans who are happy to dish it out but not take it, a gang of Nice ultras invaded the pitch to remonstrate with Payet, who was quite happy to stand his ground. Reinforcements quickly arrived in the form of several teammates, his enraged manager Jorge Sampaoli and several Marseille security goons, one of whom laid out one Nice interloper with a right-hook to the jaw. Sensing the situation might be getting away from him just a tad, referee Benoît Bastien called a halt to proceedings and sent the players to their respective dressing-rooms, where they remained for 90 minutes.
Nice, who were a goal up, trundled back out on the pitch but the match had to be abandoned, as the visitors were nowhere to be seen and had already showered, ready to go home. The upshot? Nice, whose naughty fans had prompted the stramash, were awarded a 3-0 win. “This violence is unacceptable,” harrumphed Christian Estrosi, Mayor of Nice, as the post-match recriminations began in earnest. “Sanctions must be taken by the French football league once they have found out who was responsible.” Further up the political ladder, French sports minister Roxana Maracineanu labelled the shenanigans “an insult for sport and football”.
Meanwhile the presidents of both teams involved put on a united front ... of sorts, with each one blaming the other club for the unpleasantness they had seen. Both have been summoned to a disciplinary hearing on Wednesday by the league’s governing body, where after more childish bickering extremely harsh punishments in the form of fines, suspensions and potential stadium bans are likely to be handed down. Messi has yet to make his Ligue Urrrrrrrrn debut, but even a man of his immeasurable talent will do well to follow all that.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I think Elliot Hughes played at Grimsby with the lad that scored and then made the third goal. He’s obviously very good friends with him because he hasn’t tackled him all game” – Mansfield manager Nigel Clough took a leaf out of his dad’s handbook in trying to explain his right-back’s performance against Bradford City. Cue a sensational pause from the club’s in-house reporter.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Monday’s Football Weekly: what is the point of Arsenal?
FIVER LETTERS
“I know it’s not the done thing to admit the Fiver is funny but your ‘Martin Ødegaard is now a goner Gooner’ line made me laugh (and taught me how to use strikethrough). I just need to master the / through the O now and then I can think about leaving the house” – Morgan.
“May I be one of 1,057 to say it was Neville Chamberlain who took to the wireless to announce the war, not the king” – Alex Folkes.
Re James Rodríguez (Friday’s Fiver), in these days when most football fans have about as much in common with professional players as they do with Prince William, it’s nice to see behaviour from one akin to a man who rocks up to the Sunday league grounds after a full breakfast and a few bevvies. ‘I can’t go on ... who have we got today, anyway?’ – Matt Richman.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Matt Richman.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Manchester City are erecting statues of David Silva, Vincent Kompany and Sergio Agüero outside the Etihad Stadium. “The decision to honour the three players was based on their unparalleled contribution to the club’s transformation over their combined 31 years at the club,” trumpeted a club statement, apparently forgetting Bell–Lee–Summerbee and the definition of “unparalleled”.
Should New Zealand’s football team continue to be nicknamed the All Whites? A review into cultural diversity by the nation’s governing body will shortly have an answer for you.
Xherdan Shaqiri is lugging his oversized calfs from Liverpool to Lyon after Jürgen Klopp slung him through a door marked Do One in exchange for £9.5m.
Liverpool legend Terry McDermott is the latest ex-footballer to be diagnosed with dementia.
Celtic have condemned the racist abuse of Kyogo Furuhashi by Rangers fans as “sickening”.
Haley Carter, a decorated US marines veteran and former assistant coach of the Afghanistan women’s national football team, has expressed her disappointment at senior military and political leaders for their handling of the evacuation of female players from Afghanistan.
Fabrice N’Sakala, the Besiktas defender, is recovering in hospital after collapsing on the pitch against Gaziantepspor.
Pavel Nedved, now a flamboyant Juventus suit, has insisted that Cristiano Ronaldo will remain with the club for this season.
STILL WANT MORE?
Eight games, 31 goals and seven red cards. Our Serie A expert, Nicky Bandini, will see you now.
Jonathan Wilson compares Arsenal’s Pablo Marí unfavourably to dandruff as he considers the second coming of Romelu Lukaku at Chelsea.
Meanwhile, Jonathan Liew compares Pablo Marí unfavourably to sand in the wind as he considers the Gunners starting their season in finest Arsenal style.
Fear not, Arsenal fans: Granit Xhaka has said his side will be motivated by criticism after their poor start. That’s a lot of motivation for their next game against … *checks notes* … Manchester City!
Talking points from the weekend’s action in the Premier League, of which there are 10.
Adama Traoré, Kvicha Kvaratskhelia, Corentin Tolisso, Houssem Aouar and, er, Cristiano Ronaldo. All wanted by Spurs if you believe what you read in the Rumour Mill.
Andy Brassell on Bochum’s Bundesliga return and how the forgotten club of Germany’s football heartlands enjoyed their gala day.
More Ligue Urrrrrrrrrn ponderings: Adam White on a familiar sinking feeling for Lyon, and why the farce in Nice has heaped more shame on to the French game.
Catch up with the latest moves in our women’s and men’s transfer interactives.
And sign up for a daily Big Sports Day email here. It’s not particularly funny but, hey, glass houses and all that.
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