Imagine, if you will, a Britain where, in 2012, David Cameron personally selected the members of a new girl band, and then appointed Samantha Cameron to manage them. Imagine if they were all also in the military. Imagine a Spice Girls concert, but with The Corrs as a backing band and Victoria Beckham belting out a song about how great our Trident nuclear weapon is. Imagine no more: meet Moranbong, product of the mind of Kim Jong-un, and a wildly popular group with a fanatical following in the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (DPRK). Just as the Trabant was once the Communist Bloc's answer to Mercedes-Benz, so are Moranbong the riposte to Psy and the South Korean pop boom.
They are not bad, either, and I say that without irony, a difficult task when dealing with anything from the last Stalinist state on earth. Although they haven't yet played the O2 Arena, what with it being in the capital of a whimpering lap-dog ally of the murderous imperialist Americans, and all that, there's plenty of Moranbong on YouTube. What I especially like about the girls is that they play their own instruments, and do so extremely well. Possibly, you might think, in fear of the fatal penalties for hitting a bum note, but more likely because of their sheer enthusiasm. (Having said that, there was a nasty rumour a few years ago that Hyon Song-wol, lead singer with Pochonbo Electronic Ensemble, had indeed been disposed of by the regime, despite her popularity, which was gained through hits such as "Excellent Horse-Like Lady", "Footsteps of Soldiers", "She is a Discharged Soldier" and "We are Troops of the Party".)
Moranbong's instrumental "My Country Is the Best!" features an impressive saxophone solo and the number has a power about it that is reminiscent of the Pet Shop Boys. Then there's "Let's Support the Supreme Commander With Arms". OK, it isn't Lennon and "Give Peace a Chance", but within the bombastic confines of its ideology, it's a catchy tune, and Han Sun-jong really pummels her drum kit as if it were some hapless American invader. Rousing stuff in Pyongyang, for sure, but I have to say those lyrics don't travel so well:
"Aim the gun barrel!
We stand guarding the motherland
With the capacity to deflect the armour
piercing shells of the enemy
Taste the power of socialist Korea!"
Slightly oddly, perhaps, they also do a cover of the theme from Rocky, and are versatile enough to make a nice job of everything from the "Londonderry Air" to "Les Feuilles Mortes". But undeniably, the bulk of the repertoire is devoted to the Workers Party of Korea, the doctrine of Juche (extreme self-sufficiency) and the Kims who have run the country for seven decades. Hence tracks such as "Song for the Proclamation of the People's Republic", "Obey the Party" and "The Sea and the Eternal Life of the Country".
Indeed, their sometimes aggressive tone has landed them in trouble. Last month, for example, a goodwill concert by Moranbong in Beijing was cancelled, with the rumour going round that the Chinese authorities objected to a line about "American ambitious wolves", mild by the DPRK's usual standards of vitriol but sufficient, with similar sentiments, to make the Chinese uncomfortable about upsetting their American friends. It was also said that Kim was affronted by the relatively lowly status of the Chinese officials due to attend the gig. And so Kim called his girls home, and what was to be a fun night out for the Chinese Politburo turned into an ugly diplomatic incident.
I'd like to think Moranbong will, one day, find a warm welcome here in imperialist Britain. For now, though, I'll just have to make do with bopping to "Following the Party to the End" on YouTube.
