Moore confessions: Apples and grapes don't mix

If only I could wash my wine-filled Mac this blog would be easier to read ...

I have been rendered impotent by drink White wine to be exact I knocked a glass of rather agreeable Semillon Chardonnay into my keyboard on Friday night and things haven t been the same since Apples do not like grapes apparently

I've had the top off stuck a knife under the keys and used a hairdryer and the vacuum cleaner but all to no avail Like Winston Churchill I was sober the next day unfortunately the Mac was still hammered

Actually and I know you ll believe me I wasn't drunk It literally was one glass supped contentedly after a long day under rather too subdued lighting As Tom Waits might have said The computer has been drinking not me Mind you once the bloody accident happened I did have several more

Now the electric hangover is beginning to lift and some bits are working again Letters and numbers have returned to sobriety but alas no punctuation Like a heavy drinker who finally went over the edge damage has occurred My once articulate sleek little Mac is now only capable of ranting incoherently

This piece of unpunctuated nonsense is intended for the Guardian s Arts & entertainment blog but it might be more appropriate just to send it along to A & E Anyway the good news is that with the small fortune I hope to amass from my tenure in the fifth estate I have purchased a new fangled all bells and whistles Mac

I ve needed one for ages of course Now the only thing stopping me from directing a film while making a record designing 3 D prototypes and watching DVDs while video conferencing my nearest and dearest and podcasting to the world is me

Anyway it will be days before I ve mastered it I just want to look at the box and feel empowered and try not to spill anything in it