The not-so-famous Fiver Channel Five's decision to rebrand its women's digital channel Five Life as simply "Fiver" is broadcasting's most ground-breaking marketing coup since "Channel" was dropped from Channel Five. As part of a double-pronged strategy to breathe new life into both its digital offerings, Five US is going to be renamed Hawaii Five-O. And if the newly-relaunched Fiver doubles its audience, it will be renamed Tenner.
All fired up for formula one The BBC's surprise capture of the television rights to formula one motor racing came just a week after F1 supremo Bernie Ecclestone's daughter Tamara appeared on the celebrity version of BBC1's The Apprentice. Tamara, the hapless men's team's "celebrity PA", persuaded Bernie to double whatever they raised for Sport Relief. What a shame they didn't manage to make £200m, the approximate amount the BBC is paying for the grand prix rights. No word yet on whether BBC Sport will also employ Tamara as a trackside interviewer, a role she has recently taken up on ITV1.
BBC PR machine moves into top gear ... So how does the BBC spin losing all regular live football? (a) Get in ahead of the football decision with news of snatching formula one rights, which is treated as a major story in BBC bulletins (b) ignore the story of the Beeb's loss of live football in the same bulletins when ITV retains Champions League rights (c) count on papers combining the "good" and "bad" stories on Friday, with most treating the motor-racing win as sexier (d) let it emerge that Richard Hammond is to be your formula one presenter, so that - on the day it also reported ITV's football win, albeit briefly - the Times ran huge photos of him on pages 1 and 3. A triumph!
... and so does Sir Alan If Sir Alan Sugar is looking a bit leaner and even meaner these days, then it may have something to do with his new hobby. Monkey hears he has been inspired by the presenter Adrian Chiles to take up cycling. His new pursuit could give him a whole new catchphrase: you're tired! (or even: you're tyred!)
The Bill's Chrimbo clanger The good people of The Bill are rightly proud of the ITV1 show's two-part paedophilia special which airs this week. But the impact of the hard-hitting plotline and guest stars is slightly reduced by the glimpses of the Sun Hill Christmas tree in the background in the cop-shop scenes. Merry Christmas, viewers!
Express loses the comment touch "Have your say," said the Daily Express website under its double front-page apology to Kate and Gerry McCann. But given the circumstances surrounding last week's £550,000 damages payout, and some of the online speculation that the paper has encouraged, it was no surprise that "for legal reasons we have disabled reader comments on this article". It didn't stop some readers having a go, though. "I was actually going to write this on a more appropriate forum," said one reader. "But the Daily Express has took it down [sic] for legal reasons. I'm sorry, but I can't believe ..." And with that they were gone. It is good to see the paper's learning curve is shared by some of its readers.
Hair we go again Monkey's TV format of the week comes from eastern Europe's ground-breaking Beat The Blondes. "We've all heard the blonde jokes, but how true are they really? Beat the Blondes puts this cliche to the test in a new gameshow with a twist. A fun format based on preconceptions and prejudice, Beat the Blondes is a game of strategy and statistics." And a 20% share of the audience.
All subjects will be treated sensitively, naturally Ping! An email arrives from Daisybeck Productions, on the lookout for hacks with stories suitable for a TV documentary. "Stories literally could be anything and everything - subject matters which simply do what they say on the tin," it says before listing the likes of My Fake Baby, Sex Change Soldier, The Twins Who Share A Body and The Girl with Eight Limbs. We think we know where they're coming from.
