Monkey had a jolly time at the launch of UKTV's Market Kitchen held - where else? - at London's Borough Market last night. Teams competed in a devilish quiz that saw Monkey's team misattribute a quote from the Guardian's own food and drink editor, Matthew Fort, and show an alarming lack of ability to distinguish between £5 and £20 bottles of wine.
Girls talk
The charming compere for the evening, Waitrose Food Illustrated's William Sitwell, had obviously been watching far too much BBC Olympics coverage with his references to the UKTV "girls". We did later get as far as "ladies". But no word on what the broadcaster's women got up to.
Icing on the cake
Monkey's most horrible round of the night: a revolting bushtucker trial plate of crickets, worms, scorpions and (trick!) chocolate raisins. Monkey's favourite round of the night: cake decorating. See the team's beautiful, floral - and round-winning - attempt above, which managed to use almost none of the many sugary cake toppings to hand. But whose cakes are these below? And did someone from PA really have a sense of humour failure when their cake came only third?
Tasting victory
Winners of the night were We Love Telly - who won a Fortnum & Mason hamper and seemed very pleased indeed - closely followed by the Daily Mail in silver medal position, and Radio Times in bronze. Monkey finished a creditable fifth, despite getting the words to the Um Bongo ad wrong. The night's picky eaters? Broadcast slumping into last place.
Bags of cheek
Still, there were always the goody bags to look forward to. Apart from, actually, there wasn't really, as they contained a press release, DVD of an old Market Kitchen episode, and a - actually very useful - mini recipe book. Lucky then that UKTV took the matter in hand - by suggesting the contestants nick the lovely sunflower pot plants and huge wedges of delicious cheese. Monkey can only wonder what fellow late-night bus passengers made of that highly-fragranced combination.
