Rav's cold comfort ... Notable absentee of the night: News of the World columnist and Shafta award winner Rav "It was true at the time" Singh. Apparently a "slight cold" prevented him from attending. "It was flu at the time," joked host Johnny Vaughan.
... while Loaded feels the Heat Heat magazine won worst magazine of the year for their infamous tasteless stickers stunt. But they failed to show up so the award was given to Loaded instead for the magazine's "110 birds we'd like to bone" feature. Even the hardened Shaftas audience shook their heads at Loaded's inclusion of Kate McCann in this list, with a caption which read: "Sensitive one this but there's nothing more erotic than a pained woman in need of some good lovin". Hmmm. Loaded editor Martin Daubney bounced onto the stage to accept the award, saying: "I would love to blame a reporter but I wrote that myself." After it was pointed out that made him a "truly dreadful human being", he countered: "And I'm paid for it." Monkey predicts future Shaftas greatness for this man.
Blarney trouble helps Willis on his way Prompted by Piers Morgan, Sunday Mirror TV critic and Shaftas co-founder Kevin O'Sullivan 'fessed up that he had helped Daily Mirror associate editor and Pride of Britain Awards founder Peter Willis on his way to the lifetime achievement award. Willis was hired by O'Sullivan and one of his assignments in the 1980s was to cover a trip by Michael Jackson to Ireland. Willis subsequently filed an infamous story that claimed Jacko had concerns about kissing the Blarney Stone in case he caught Aids. "I'd ordered him to file it," admitted Shaftas legend O'Sullivan. Willis - who was due to get the award last year but was abroad, hanging out with his old mucker Morgan in LA - shot back with: "I honestly don't deserve this," he claimed. "I think I'm only getting it because I'm one of the few old-timers stupid enough to turn up."
A Giants balls-up Admirable frankness from the Sun's Gordon Smart and Thomas Whittaker after winning the Sold a Pup award. The pair won for a story that Jossy's Giants bit part actor Julian Walsh was up to play Doctor Who. The story was based on a few bets being placed with bookmakers Paddy Power. Smart and Whittaker's defence amounted to admitting they had been out for dinner with a Paddy Power PR the day before, who for good measure also ensured that "we got to go to see Chelsea play again".
Who can he mean? Daily Mail showbiz editor Richard Simpson let rip with another succinct acceptance speech this year. Last year Simpson won best apology for alleging that Hugh Grant was jeopardising his relationship with Jemima Khan by spending too much time making plans for Liz Hurley's wedding and said contritely: "I just want to say sorry to Hugh really. Legally I'm not allowed to say anything else." This year Simpson won the special award for worst "Mucca Macca Divorce Coverage". Simpson said sorrowfully: "I'd like to thank my sources on this story. Unfortunately she's been accused of being a fantasist in the past."
No-show Baker's memory loss Another notable absentee from last night's Café de Paris bash was Shaftas co-founder and former Macca spokesman Geoff Baker. Baker - who came up with the inaugural Shaftas "Princess Margaret to appear in Crossroads" story when working for the Daily Star back in the 1980s - was supposed to be at the do and was even introduced by host Johnny Vaughan as proceedings got under way. Alas, he was actually a no-show. He told Monkey today it was because the event had, er .. slipped his mind: "I forgot it was Shaftas night. Fuck," said a spokesman.
Perspex awards are crackers A large bunch of bananas to PR gurus Sean O'Brien and James Herring and News of the World critic Ian Hyland for putting together another slick show. Award-winners were given a lovingly-crafted piece of Perspex with a picture of Princess Margaret smoking crack with Amy Winehouse. Nice. These treasured items are now gracing the desks of the finest whopper writers of Fleet Street this morning, along with a voucher for a free phone from Vodafone. "It's for fly-as-you go," joked one wag.
Nigel gets sourcey in stage marathon Poor Nigel Pauley spent more time on stage than at his table after the Daily Star and Star on Sunday won enough Perspex to build their own greenhouse. Pauley collected an award of his own but valiantly went up to collect two gongs on behalf of absent colleagues. The ever-professional Pauley even came prepared with a speech: "Thanks to my friends, close friend, pals, close pals, sources, highly-placed sources, sources close to, family sources, official sources, unofficial sources, insiders, senior insiders, moles, eyewitnesses, onlookers, spies, and of course, not forgetting spokesmen and spokeswomen." Which just about says it all, really.
Shafted by the Shaftas Daily Mirror associate editor Peter Willis complained afterwards that he had been tricked into attending the Shaftas. Apparently he had been told by the organisers that it was worth his while turning up as a "good friend" and someone he knew well would be winning the lifetime achievement award. And that person was in fact, er ... him. "[Shaftas organiser] Sean O'Brien lied to me," he claimed. Monkey is shocked that anything close to a fabrication could be associated with the Shaftas.
