O'Grady turns Savage
To the National TV Awards, otherwise known as the downmarket Baftas. The question on everyone's lips was: "What do you think about Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand, eh?" And the answer on every TV celebrity's lips was: "I don't want to talk it." But that didn't stop hacks asking. It was left to winner Paul O'Grady, brandishing his National TV Award for best entertainment programme, to come up with the most eloquent "no comment". "The first person to ask me about Jonathan Ross or Russell Brand gets this shoved where the sun don't shine." So Monkey didn't ask him.
They're celebrities, and they're staying put
But Monkey did ask Ant and Dec, winners of the best entertainer prize for the eighth - yes, eighth - year running. Perhaps Russell Brand, now he has a little extra time on his hands, might be a suitable contestant for the next series of I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!? Alas, they didn't want to talk about it either. "A lot of people have had their say on that one, so I think I'll leave that one be," said Dec. Or was it Ant? Moving on, perhaps the pair might fancy their own BBC1 chatshow should a vacancy appear, say… on Friday nights? "Our contract with ITV runs until the end of next year and we are very happy," said Dec. They have new series of I'm A Celebrity, Britain's Got Talent, Saturday Night Takeaway and an entirely brand new series on ITV1 next autumn. Woo-hoo! Let's hope it's as good as Pokerface. Definitely no room for a Friday night chatshow then? Say, Friday Night with Ant and Dec? "No," they chorused in unison. What a double act.
Who's next for a rumble in the jungle?
Back, then, to I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here! So who is going to be on the new series of the must-watch show that did so much to put former queen of the jungle Kerry Katona where she is today? "Every year we say Mr T and he has never called us back," confessed Ant. That could have been a double bluff, however. "I would like to see Peter Stringfellow in there," added Dec. Or was it Ant? Anyway, we are still waiting confirmation of one of the Daily Star's tips for the new jungle bunch, the BBC's creative director Alan Yentob. Monkey's breath is bated.
Close, but no cigar for Cowell
Simon Cowell, clutching the special recognition prize, appeared genuinely miffed that The X Factor had been beaten by Strictly Come Dancing in the reality show category. Or perhaps he was just havin' a laugh. "It's taken a lot of the tarnish off - the whole night has been ruined," said Cowell. Strictly Come Dancing judge Arlene Phillips, needless to say, was delighted. "It was worth winning just to see the look on Simon Cowell's face," she beamed before adding, only slightly cryptically: "I have seen Simon Cowell in all sorts of positions." Alas, Cowell was unable to elucidate. "She said what? I don't know how to answer that. I am really pissed off."
Lacking drive?
Monkey can't help but wonder if the Top Gear boys are tiring of winning these things. Picking up their third National Television Award in a row, Jeremy, Richard and the other chap decided to stay at home and sent the Stig instead. At least, they sent a chap in white leathers and crash helmet who said he was the Stig. Well, he would have said he was the Stig if he spoke. But the Stig doesn't speak. Monkey reckons it was Jonathan Ross.
Bux joins awards squad
In case you missed it, there was a brand new addition to last night's awards. Not only was Sir Trevor McDonald the awards' presenter, but none other than Danielle Bux was the newly-installed awards "host", accompanying winners and occasionally handing out a gong or two. How marvellous. Bux is possibly better known as Gary Lineker's wife to be. Back of the net!
Doctor death
Russell T Davies, the man who masterminded the Doctor Who comeback, was delighted that the production team had managed to keep David Tennant's live "I quit" speech a secret before last night's show. Tennant, in case you missed it, announced he was stepping down as the doctor during the interval of Hamlet, which he is performing at the Royal Shakespeare Company in Stratford-on-Avon. But Monkey can't help but feel it was slightly misguided of Tennant to hold a bloody great knife up to the camera just before he returned to the stage. "I'm off to kill Patrick Stewart," he said. He's only acting, you understand. But such gestures can be misinterpreted by a young, impressionable ITV1 audience, David.
Babs' soap slip-up
Spare a thought, if you will, for good old Barbara Windsor, part of the triumphant EastEnders cast who tried to hold an olive branch out to Coronation Street but ended up insulting Emmerdale instead. These things go in cycles, explained Windsor, as EastEnders picked up the soap prize for the fourth year in a row. "For years Corrie won it. I don't know. Has Emmerdale ever won it?" Er… no, Babs, it hasn't. "Oh no, I've put my foot in it!" Maybe next year will be Emmerdale's year. Maybe.
