Don't be surprised to see Arsene Wenger with the measuring tape and wallpaper sample books out when he takes his place in the dugout at Stamford Bridge for Wednesday night's Champions League skirmish between Arsenal and Chelsea. The Gunners' boss has joined the long list of candidates rumoured to be taking over when beleagured Chelsea boss Claudio Ranieri picks up his P45 during the summer.
According to footballtransfers.net, both he and Roma's luxuriantly coiffured No1 Fabio Capello have both agreed to take the job already, which would suggest that at least 50% of today's speculation so far is false. No change there then what? Eh? Etc.
Meanwhile in today's Sun, Sir Bobby Robson has hinted for the first time he may stay on as Newcastle boss after next season. Despite signing a new contract to take him to the end of the 2004-05 campaign, Sir Bobby, 97, admitted: "At this time next year we'll review the situation. It'll depend on what the chairman wants, what I want and, obviously, how results are going. Who knows what will happen, but if the team are doing well and I feel as good as I do now, why would I want to give it up?"
One of the few things in the world older than the man at the centre of the preceding rumour is speculation that Celtic striker Henrik Larsson is off to Barcelona. However, the Daily Record has been able to add fuel to the raging inferno of gossip concerning the Swede's plans. According to a Nou Camp source which could be made up for all we know, Barcelona president Joan Laporta has admitted that Larsson is second on his list, after Juve's David Trezeguet, with Manchester City's sullen star Nic Anelka also featuring prominently.
Back at footballtransfers.net it's reported that Ryan Giggs has told 'close friends' that it's 50-50 whether he'll still be a Manchester United player next season. Word has it the Welshman wants to stay, but is not sure if Sir Alex Ferguson still requires his services. Heaven forbid that today's Rumours should upset the man who ostentatiouisly chatted up our woman in front of us in a Dublin pub several years ago, but we're guessing Giggsy will be doing one to make way for Ajax midfielder Rafael van der Vaart. Sell him to Carlisle, we say!
Eirik Bakke and Mark Viduka appear to have seduced an Old Lady. Those of a less puerile mind will have twigged that they're off to Juventus as soon as Leeds get relegated. With a reputation for crying in police stations and several tons of excess blubber between them, we're sure they'd be an asset to any side. Except Leeds, obviously.
Unlike those parsimonious penny-pinching suits at ITV1, the BBC has promised an episode of Match Of The Day for every Sunday schedule when the show returns to the BBC next year. While Monday's Rumours wouldn't like to influence their appointment of a host in any way by suggesting they poach the excellent Matt Smith from their rivals, current favourites for the anchor post are Mark Pougatch and Adrian Chiles.
And finally ... the totally frivolous Rumour that would be signified by the words "and finally" if this was the news on telly, as opposed to some hastily cobbled together mish-mash of tittle-tattle, gossip and not-strictly-true tell-all: Paul Gascoigne is set for a comeback ... with TV's Earls Park FC. He's top of a wanted list of celebs being drawn up by bosses at ITV1's Footballers' Wives.
