Estate planning often brings out complicated family dynamics, especially when one child may need more support than the others. A recent discussion on Reddit's r/inheritance forum highlighted just how tricky these situations can become when a parent's wishes are not clearly written into a will or trust.
In this case, a mother asked one of her adult children to make sure their younger sibling — a single parent living with her — could stay in the family home after she passes away. But the arrangement comes with challenges: the house is meant to be divided among four siblings, and the designated executor may not interpret "doing the right thing" the same way.
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What the Parent Wants
According to the original poster, their younger sibling and child currently live with their mother. The setup benefits both sides — the mother enjoys being close to her grandchild, and the younger sibling gets support while raising a child alone.
The mother asked OP to ensure that the younger sibling could remain in the house "as long as they need to" after her passing. But when OP suggested leaving the home directly to that sibling, their mother declined. She felt it would be unfair to the other children and instead wanted to trust her kids to "do the right thing."
The complication is that OP doesn't believe the executor — the oldest sibling — will honor that request.
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The Executor's Role
Many commenters pointed out that the executor's job is not to interpret wishes left outside of the will. An executor is legally responsible for carrying out what is written in the will, not what was said verbally.
That includes:
- Accounting for all estate assets
- Paying off debts and taxes
- Distributing property according to the will's terms
If the will directs that the house be split four ways, the executor must divide it accordingly. In practice, that often means selling the property and distributing the proceeds. Even if three siblings agreed to let the fourth stay in the home, a single sibling could request their share and potentially force a sale through the courts.
Why a Trust May Be the Answer
Several commenters suggested that the mother create a trust if her true wish is for the younger sibling to remain in the house temporarily. Trusts can be customized with clear rules, such as:
- Allowing one child to live in the house rent-free until a certain age or life event
- Requiring that the resident sibling pay for property taxes, insurance, and upkeep
- Stipulating when the property will eventually be sold and how proceeds will be divided
This approach could provide both the financial fairness the mother wants and the temporary stability her younger child needs.
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The Risk of Leaving Things Unclear
Without written instructions, the situation could create conflict among siblings. As one commenter noted, "These are decisions your mother needs to make while she's alive and lucid. Otherwise, she's tossing a lit match on her way out the door."
Questions such as who pays for maintenance, how long the younger sibling may stay, and when the property will be sold could easily lead to disagreements. And once emotions and money are involved, disputes may escalate quickly.
Key Takeaway
This Reddit post highlights the importance of estate planning tools like trusts and carefully structured wills. While verbal promises may seem sufficient, they rarely hold up when assets are divided among multiple heirs.
For families in similar situations, discussing options with an estate planning attorney can help clarify intentions, avoid conflicts, and ensure that everyone is treated fairly — before difficult decisions fall to the next generation.
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