No, I’m not asleep, I’m visualising – it’s part of the training. Right now, I’ve nearly reached Dittisham, I’m warm, the water’s just a smidge under 15, 15.5C, I’m wearing my Dart 10k cap, the sun’s out and there’s cake waiting – maybe a choice of carrot or lemon drizzle. The sensation is just unbelievable. You know, if you wanted to start wild swimming, now’s a great time. Anywhere – just drive until you find somewhere remote and unspoiled; people forget Buttermere’s only seven hours from London. Strip off and get in, don’t forget to record the temperature, it’s that simple. Yes, now, before the fairweather lot turn up, nothing like a blast of 5C water, once the pain in your head has subsided and you’ve started breathing again, there’s this unbelievable endorphin rush.
A lido? Sure, if you like swimming in a stinking concrete prison. The risk of a heart attack in a choppy sea loch with no one around is part of the fun, if you ask me. Saying that, one of my best wild swims was during an ice storm in Hammersmith, minus 2.5C max, coldest March since 1986, with the current sucking me under the bridge. That’s when I knew my technique needed work.
No car? Tricky. There’s this quarry near Heathrow Terminal 5 – should still be nice and chilly. You’ll want to stick to a minute or two at first, mind. I was nearly a goner once in Semerwater, 7C, limbs going numb, couldn’t hug the shore because of the hurricane, just spent too long watching lightning over the hills, core temperature going through the floor, but nothing makes you feel more alive than nearly dying. Well, except cake, to be fair.
No, not much, just wild swimming goggles, towel, digital thermometer, Neoprene hat, swim socks, swim gloves, waterproof wallet for your keys and phone, wetsuit – watch for chafing. Course you’ll need a suit: you thought you could start in skins? How’s that going to work in a 4C tarn? Even the Dart 10k wouldn’t exist without Neoprene, though you can apply for exemption. That’s my next goal, me in my grape-smugglers next to 800 people in wetsuits. Legend.
