I’m glad you asked me that. Write this down: I very much agree with Aristotle, that’s A-R-I-S-T-O-T-T-L… the Greek, oh, you’ve heard of him. Where were you at school? Never heard of it. Let me explain, if there’s one thing teachers should strive to inculcate in our young people, it’s what I call charisma, that’s K-U-H-, as it sounds – well done. The tragedy of the state sector is so many teachers still think success is just about passing pointless exams and going to what the ignorant are apt to call a “top” university, when that is just the starting point for any fully developed individual.
And parents can be no better, the narcissistic fools. One of the huge advantages of the private system is that, as well as using their money to fund inspirational experiments, we are able to exclude the more stupid parents from the premises and to insult them as often as we like. This is why I argue so passionately for state schools to introduce boarding and top hats, with fees for all but the neediest parents, so that all our children can learn the resilience to survive anything life throws at them, be that running their country or simply running London, along with an inner joy that transcends material distractions. The aim is a culture in which teenagers see it as normal to charter a helicopter to Davos, in the event that they are unable to afford one of their own.
Equally, a Greek-style debating chamber and fully equipped boathouse are facilities no child should go without. But, above all, the state sector must make time for regular hypnosis, which means properly qualified staff. Without a full-time yogi, even I might have struggled to demonstrate the vital importance of deep hypnosis to a 100% Oxbridge success rate. Excuse me? No, those recent results just prove the depths of prejudice against the private system, itself a sad reflection on state schools, where teachers do nothing to correct the portrayal of someone like me as a conceited and over-privileged buffoon.
