We’re having an amazing time, thanks, so relaxing, isn’t it incredible round here, practically like a desert island – in a good way! We’ve come in for the papers or we’d have no idea what’s going on – there’s no Wi-Fi in the house, though they said it all worked fine, so with no phone signal round here it’s basically two weeks off grid, no emails, no texts, no calls, no late-night shopping, no films, no news, it’s just fantastic, such a relief when the news is so depressing, oh did my phone just ping, must have been yours, I do sometimes get a signal in the square. God knows how people round here manage, day in, day out, have you got a signal, what network are you on? It’s just I do really need to look up a recipe for tonight, have you ever made fish stew, just the ingredients would help. Oh well.
But it’s so peaceful, really, total digital detox, and I keep telling the children, just think of your phones as cameras, take pictures, if you absolutely have to Instagram them you can always walk to the top of the hill, there’s usually a signal there if it’s clear.
But mealtimes are wonderful, no phones on the table because there’s, no pinging and bleeping all the time, no random Googling, it’s weird actually. Of course the children are furious, I promised all their stuff would work, but there are jigsaws, Scrabble, Monopoly, cards – well, as soon as we can Google the rules, we’ve all forgotten how to play Racing Demon – and why don’t they read a book for once, for God’s sake, it’s only a couple of weeks. If they want a signal all they have to do is get off their bottoms and walk for three miles, honestly.
Yes, it does make me a bit anxious – was that your phone or mine? You sure? Do you know anywhere else I could get a signal, we can’t keep driving around all day. I don’t know how people round here can stand it, not all the time. If you’re on the beach all day, fine, OK, but you can’t really go more than five hours at home, can you, not if you want to stay sane. Actually, I think we should get a refund, you can’t promise Wi-Fi and not provide it, can you? I’m making a formal complaint, well, as soon as I can get a bloody signal.
