Oh no question, the wretched Sewel chappie had to go, wouldn’t defend him for a second, I’m rather old-fashioned about that sort of thing, for my sins – but ask yourself, should the entire house suffer because of one man’s penchant for brassieres? Because make no mistake, that is what you people are putting at risk when you start throwing around words like senate and election and retirement, which I have to say I do find extremely ageist, and I am only in my 70s. Have you met Baroness Trumpington? Marvellous.
Not that I don’t appreciate the concern, especially as a cross-bencher. Before I got here I was frightfully pro-reform, but – I wouldn’t expect an outsider to understand this – once you see for yourself the real wisdom and experience, and how hard everyone works at all the scrutinising and all that, you realise how mad it would be to throw the Lord Winston baby out with the scandal bathwater, so the more of us the better.
No, I won’t hear a word against the hereditaries, I’m a complete convert. Did you catch yesterday’s debate on grouse numbers? Marvellous. Imagine how boring this place would be if everyone was selected on merit like some wretched accountancy firm, not that I’m against some targeted reforms, it was I who proposed slashing the number of scones in every cream tea. From 15 to 14. I’m delighted to say there’s a great deal of support from all sides of the house, which is typically collegiate, quite unlike the other place. You see it works, that’s the great thing about the Lords, of course if you were starting from scratch you’d never invent it, but why vandalise an institution that’s served this country loyally for centuries? And as one of the more sagacious hereditaries pointed out, is anyone seriously saying we should chuck out prostitution because Sewel’s girls brought it into disrepute? My expenses? How dare you! Sorry if that comes across as rudeness, but this is what makes the Lords so wonderfully independent minded, we don’t care a bit what anyone thinks. Sherry?
