No, Oscar! Down! Don’t worry, he won’t hurt you, he just wants to play, so if you could crouch – a bit lower – and rub his head… Oh. Bad boy, Oscar. Basket. Oh look, he’s got his guilty face on. Don’t worry, Oscar, Mummy’s fine. Maybe he sensed you weren’t comfortable around dogs?
It’s true they can tell. That little nip didn’t hurt, did it? Let me see, no, the skin is hardly broken, remember he’s still just a puppy – it’s his fifth birthday party next week, just his walkers, that’s 10, plus the vet, his therapist of course, the beautician and Matilda, the whippet from next door. You’re having a bespoke dog cake, aren’t you, Oscar? Totally organic, we had one for his christening. Well, the vicar had already officiated for a cockapoo, and it seemed wrong not to when the children had all been done, and Oscar’s the one who’s always here for me, aren’t you, Oscar?
That time I ran over a cyclist, Oscar just looked up at me with his “Hey Mum, let’s go for a walk” face, as if nothing had happened – that’s real unconditional love. Look, he’s already forgotten he’s in disgrace. You’ve got to love the way dogs don’t overanalyse everything or want to talk. I could never relate to a person who didn’t like dogs. And you know they’ve proved dog owners are healthier, mentally, and less neurotic. I can’t sleep now unless Oscar is lying on my face. Did I show you him in his onesie?
No, he adores getting dressed up, don’t you, Oscar? That’s typical of a jackshiht, they’re half jack russell, half shih-tzu, this brilliant combination of looks and pack skills. He loves going into work and it’s so good for staff morale, you should see the secretaries playing with him in the revolving door! Obviously there are limits – we had to lose the receptionist after she brought in this really rough lurcher, a dog like that was never designed for office life. So now everyone new has to pass the Oscar test: if he bites, I know there must be something wrong with them.
