Great, two 99s and £50 cashback please, so we can rent a couple of deckchairs – with some fivers if you’ve got some, can you believe the chair guy won’t take a card, and the chip shop won’t take them for anything under five quid? OK just 20 in cash would be a life-saver if you’re short? What? God, it’s like being in Greece or something. Seriously, I’m sorry, I haven’t intentionally carried any cash for five years, don’t even own a wallet, do you really not have a card reader, I don’t mind making them double 99s. Wouldn’t it save time, when you’ve got a queue of 20 people? God, here we go again – sorry, anybody here got any cash they could lend me? For the ice-creams, just so I don’t disappoint the kids – I’ll pay you back obviously, thanks mate, you know in Denmark people would not believe this was happening?
So that’s three quid I owe you, now let me have your address – no, no I insist, trust me this is always happening, seriously, are you sure, well that’s incredibly generous, do the same for you one day haha – can you believe he hasn’t got a card reader, in an ice-cream van? Course that’s another reason everyone’s giving up cash, you know the average bank note contains 26,000 potentially harmful bacteria and I’m not seeing any hand sanitiser.
No I’m not saying you’ve got dirty hands but the way I see it, we’re never going to get a properly cashless society unless people start refusing to go there on principle? Most normal places kind of get that these days, it’s just when you come somewhere like this, or older people – no offence, very glad we bumped into you! – but for any sensible business there’s no excuse, is there? He would have lost my custom if it hadn’t been for your generosity, would have taught him a lesson, actually. Now, if you’re sure I can’t repay you I’ll go and find a cashpoint. Seriously? Nowhere in the village? Sorry, but you couldn’t possibly lend me a tenner, obviously I’ll pay you back.
