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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Lifestyle
Catherine Bennett

Modern tribes: the angry millennial

Illustration by Ben Lamb

Is that all the milk there is? Oh great. Well I couldn’t go and buy any, could I, because in case you hadn’t noticed I don’t live off a massive final salary pension scheme, just a terrifying debt that I’ll never pay off now your lot have voted for Armageddon. Sure I know it’s not your fault, in a way, but don’t expect us to be happy when your mates stole our future, have you thought maybe you could have done more to stop them, because nobody listens to millennials do they, just because we’re the ones who are going to starve when you’ve been dead for hundreds of years?

We did vote, just not as much as you lot, how could we guess you’d all go for racism and Spam fritters, or whatever you all ate before the EU, what kind of normal old person would even do that, it’s like voting to put us all in prison, nothing personal, maybe you didn’t vote leave, but it’s your age group forced us out, just saying.

If there’s ever a next time, I’d ban them from voting, the over-55s, no the over-50s, definitely, in all elections, why not, since their lives are practically over, then reduce the voting age to maybe 12, so people who are going to live with the decisions are still actually alive. No offence, but if I were you I’d shut up.

I’m not listening to you any more, that was the problem with the debate, rich, prejudiced middled-aged people talking to themselves and not listening.

Well even if you did it doesn’t make you any different from all the rich old people who run everything, you all just want to spend the rest of your lives having picnics in this fantasy Enid Blyton paradise with little blond girls called Jenny in pigtails with gingham ribbons because it was before scrunchies had been invented.

You make young people like me sick, you thieving bastards, all cooperative young idealists hate you, but so long as you can keep the immigrants out what do you care, are you going out to get milk or not?

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