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Newcastle Herald
Newcastle Herald
National
Damon Cronshaw

Modern solution for modern problems

Suit Up: These strange suits were spotted on a balcony in Newcastle. We'll give you a hint. It's something to do with dinosaurs.

This is what Glen Fredericks has laid out on his Adamstown Heights balcony.

Right about now you'll be squinting and thinking "what the heck are they?".

Why they're inflatable dinosaur costumes, of course. Glen also refers to them as "Hazmat suits".

"Modern problems require modern solutions," he said.

Visitors are welcome, he says, as long as they put on a suit.

"As plastic is made from oil and oil is made from dead dinosaurs, technically these inflatable suits have been made from real dinosaurs," he said.

"The same goes for actual Hazmat suits. So dinosaurs went extinct millions of years ago and are now helping us to prevent our extinction."

Shakespearean Times

A Shakespearean message.

Port Stephens MP Kate Washington tweeted a picture of Shakespeare on Tuesday.

It came from a year 12 English teacher's home-schooling message: "I have very high expectations for all of you. When Shakespeare was quarantined because of the plague, he wrote King Lear".

Along with the image, Kate tweeted: "Home schooling is go, kicking off with this from an awesome year 12 English teacher".

Viral Jokes

Son: Why is my sister's name Paris?

Dad: Because we conceived her in Paris.

Son: Thanks dad.

Dad: No problem, Quarantine.

We need to uninstall 2020 and then try reinstalling it. The current version has a nasty virus.

Single man with toilet rolls would like to meet single women with hand sanitiser for good clean fun.

Finland has just closed its borders. No one will be crossing the finish line.

A bloke on a tractor has just driven past yelling: "The end of the world is nigh!"

Turns out it was Farmer Geddon.

John Travolta tested negative for coronavirus last night. Turns out it was just Saturday Night Fever.

Non-Viral Jokes

A shop assistant tried stopping an armed robber by attacking him with a labelling gun. Police are now looking for a man with a price on his head.

Boss: Do you think you can come in on Saturday? I know you enjoy your weekends but I need you here.

Worker: Yeah, no problem. I'll probably be late as public transport on weekends is slow.

Boss: What time will you get here?

Worker: Monday.

I bought my wife new beads for her abacus. It's the little things that count.

How does the German baker greet his customers? Gluten morgen.

My uncle works for a company that makes bicycle wheels. He's the spokesman.

My wife's leaving me because she thinks I'm obsessed with astronomy. What planet is she on?

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