Are we a gaslighting bunch?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in the victim’s mind. We come across this expression often almost everywhere these days.
Years ago, while living in a village, I came across this young woman who used to help me with my daily chores. She was a single woman with a six-year-old daughter. She had a vivacious smile.
What used to amaze me was how even the small things I did for her — like giving a sweater in winter or a lunch box for her child — used to make her so happy.
She was striving hard to make ends meet. She would be toiling the whole day, taking up any odd job that came her way. The pittance she got in return from the villagers for her hard work used to wring my heart.
She never understood that she was being manipulated in every way possible. Her ignorance and illiteracy was making her so vulnerable.
It was from her that I learned about the “god tax” collected during temple festivals in some villages in Tamil Nadu. She was forced to pay ₹1,000, which was beyond her means by a huge stretch. I was astonished. When I told her not to pay it, she would have none of it. Of course, she did not want the wrath of god to descend on her and her child — this was what she was threatened with if she failed to pay up. This would eventually make her take a loan from a usurious lender. This happened every year, she told me.
There was an astrologer who used to take money from her to bring her husband back to her life. She ardently believed that it was her lack of good looks that drove her “otherwise good husband” to leave her for another woman. My efforts to reason with her and make her understand that she was being exploited was of little effect.
I tried my best to bring some self-esteem into her mind by telling her how hard working she was and how she was single-handedly taking care of her child which was very brave of her. She would give me a confused look and ask, “Isn’t that what all women do?” That single sentence from her broke my heart.
She was so deeply manipulated or should I say, gaslighted and the saddest part was she had no complaints about it.
It is not our ignorance alone that leads us to be gaslighted. Every other day, we are gaslighted in some way or the other.
Race, skin colour, gender, stature, looks and many more things are used to gaslight people. Women in their workplace come across such gaslighting every single day. While contributing immensely to every single economy in the world, they are still striving to get equal pay with men.
Much talk goes on at the political level but all these target women’s votes rather than bringing about welcome changes in their lives.
Even in an advanced country like the U.S., we keep reading about racial discrimination and violence. In fact, a country where slave trade flourished not so long ago, the U.S. has come a long way.
They have had a black as President, but still the community has to raise the banner of “Black Lives Matter” against injustices. Even a few years ago, black people thought that they were in some way inferior to the whites. What else but gaslighting could have sown the seeds of inferiority in those people.
A cruel war is raging in the world today. Thousands of innocent lives are lost every day.
The very people who suffered most in World War II are ratcheting up violence. A Buddha or a Gandhi does not come by when we want them. I am not even sure if they would be able to make a difference in today’s hate-ridden world. Yes, we all live in a gaslighted world where we think we are equals but at heart we always know like Orwell that some are more equal than the others!
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