There is a Premier Foods factory in Barnsley that, in the runup to Christmas, fires out 2.3m mince pies a day. That’s 180m each season. A staggering figure, yet it accounts for less than half of the 370m mince pies sold in the UK each year.
These days unrecognisable from its medieval origins as a spiced ox tongue and beef suet pastry, the mince pie, clearly, still occupies a very special place in Britain’s affections. This, despite 17th-century Puritan purges (mince pies were condemned as a sign of Catholic gluttony), and the old, mass-produced supermarket versions, which for decades – their shrunken fillings a chaos of sugar, dank fruits and shrill spices – threatened to do what Cromwell failed to, and destroy our love of mince pies for ever. Chef Jeremy Lee told the Independent in 2011 that commercial mince pies are “generally unspeakable”.
There has been a marked improvement in many supermarket foods in recent years. Have mince pies – a product that most people buy in, in a time-versus-taste trade-off – kept pace? Do any of the own-brands or exclusive supermarket lines come close to the best homemade mince pies (a notional 10/10 for this test)? When the blurb says plump fruits and deep-filled, does it mean it? Or are the supermarkets still skimping on fillings and using cheap spices?
You will note that the most shocking statistic about mince pies is that, after that initial buying frenzy, we throw 74m of them away each Christmas.
All of the pies were tested warm; each box contained six
Ocado Daylesford organic mince pies 300g, £7.99
You check the price. You check it again. You sit down to absorb the shock, phone a friend to share the news, and, finally, take a bite expecting choirs of angels. What you get is unusually soft, unsalted butter pastry around a loose filling that, for all its articulated ginger, apple and citrus flavours, lacks intoxicating spice or depth. Overly earnest, and ultimately dull. Verdict: Christmas turkey 4/10
Co-op Irresistible mince pies 396g, £2
A 1cm “air gap” (the space between the lid and the filling; which can be as little as 3mm) tells you everything about these apologetic pies. The uneven pastry-to-filling ratio means the mincemeat struggles to assert itself over the buttery, but somewhat claggy pastry and, but for its faintly boozy port and brandy edge, it has little charisma. It is tediously sweet and sharp, thick with apple puree and vine fruits. Verdict: Ho ho hum 4/10
Waitrose All butter mince pies 365g, £2.50
That “air gap” and shortcrust cases make mince pies incredibly fragile. They frequently implode at first bite. However, Waitrose’s shortbready pastry is unusually resilient. In concert with the pies’ thick filling, it produces an authentically rich and (mimicking the historic use of suet) almost gluey mouthful. The mincemeat is too sweet, but nuts and citrus keep it sassy. Verdict: Christmas cheer 6/10
Marks & Spencer The Collection mince pies 323g, £2.50
A touch of class from M&S, these stout pucks (2cm deep but full to their brims) contain the first filling that, rather than a mush, is mined with plump, vibrant fruits, including prized, EU-protected Greek Vostizza currants. The balance of spices and citrus is well-judged, the brandy adding depth rather than acrid alcohol, and all this is housed in crisp, yielding pastry. Verdict: Seasons eatings! 7.5/10
Asda Extra Special luxury all butter mince pies 420g, £1.85
Like a Victorian London gentleman’s club, these pies are suffused in a dark, thick fug of booze and baked fruit. Sharp interruptions of citrus are like the barked orders of some colonial colonel. The pie’s port and brandy maceration aside, its unnecessarily sugar-topped, buttery pastry collapses at first contact. In part because, yet again, these pies have a 1cm “air gap”. Verdict: Dickensian Christmas 4/10
Tesco Finest* mince pies 390g, £2
Hot out of the oven, these pies fall apart as readily as NHS funding promises printed on the side of a bus. The pastry’s buttery flavour, however, is fine, and these pies are a pleasure. The mincement delivers clearly differentiated, structured flavours: apple puree, sultanas, lemon zest, hints of cognac and tiny walnut shrapnel. Despite the sprinkled sugar on top, they are not excessively sweet, either. Verdict: Christmas crackers 8/10
Morrisons The Best all butter mince pies 360g, £2
In terms of sugar-per-100g, there were sweeter pies in this test, but with more sugar dusted on top, the sludgy, jammy filling and an emphasis on saccharine vine fruits, these pies taste outrageously sweet. A little citrus peel but only peripheral evidence of spicing creates a flavour closer to Christmas cake than mince pies. The pastry is dry, too. Verdict: Christmas is cancelled 4/10
Aldi Specially Selected Mince Pies 390g, £1.49
Every Christmas, there is always one guest who hits the booze too hard and leaves a trail of misery in their wake. Infused with Aldi’s “award winning” cognac, these pies are most notable for some very harsh, almost cough medicine-like aromas and flavours, which jar with equally inelegant bursts of citrus. The filling is an otherwise blandly sticky mush. The thick, sugary pastry is also poor. Verdict: Less Christmas, more Halloween 2/10
Sainsbury’s All butter mince pies 370g, £2
While others include the requisite ingredients (palm oil, rice flour, sunflower oil), Sainsbury’s is the rare mince pie that announces its use of vegetable suet. And that is, pretty much, the most interesting thing about them. The crumbly pastry has a strong buttery flavour, but the boring filling – heavy on the apple puree and vine fruits – needs more in the way of zest and spice to leaven its relentless sweetness. Verdict: festive flop 4/10
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