The funniest standup I’ve ever seen …
Dave Chappelle at the Hammersmith Apollo in 2015. In terms of cold, hard, audience-in-the-palm-of-their-hand standup grandmastery, I’ve never seen anything like it.
The funniest TV show I’ve ever seen …
Police Squad! Some of the straightest playing-it-straight since records began.
The funniest film I’ve ever seen …
The Pink Panther Strikes Again. Clouseau interrogating the staff of the missing Professor Fassbender kills me every time.
The funniest heckle I’ve ever had …
“It’s Max from Guess Who!” I hadn’t even reached the microphone. The heckler was then in complete control for the entirety of my set.
The funniest item of clothing I’ve ever owned …
When I was 13, my mother bought me a pair of cycling shorts with luminous green stripes down the sides. Thinking she had fixed me up with the latest fashion must-have, she forced me to wear them to the birthday party of a 15-year-old boy I didn’t know very well. The cycling shorts left little to the imagination. It was a long night.
The funniest meal I’ve ever eaten …
School camping trip, 1994. Supplies destroyed by a combination of rain and compulsory yomping. Reduced to eating the remnants of a burst yoghurt at the bottom of a dung-smeared rucksack using a tent peg as a spoon.
The funniest hairstyle I’ve ever had …
Aged 18, aiming to grow something along the lines of an early-80s Eddie Van Halen. Ended up with a wavy, self-bouffanting mullet, mistaken for a “fairly convincing wig”.
The funniest dream I’ve ever had …
I wish I had funny dreams. My dreams are rare and inevitably end in my own death.
The funniest joke I’ve ever heard …
“Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan!”
Mike Wozniak is a contestant on Taskmaster, Thu, 9pm, Channel 4
