SOUTH BEND, Ind. _ Mike Heuerman rides up on his bicycle and immediately jokes about being a 25-year-old undergraduate at Notre Dame.
"I'm the oldest mofo on campus," he says.
Heuerman is headed to lunch at McAlister's Deli. He could chain his Schwinn to a pole but instead leaves it freestanding on North Eddy Street.
"If someone steals it," he figures, "it would serve me right for all the stuff I did."
Heuerman (pronounced HIGH-er-man) is a lean 6-foot-4, with a gold chain hanging over his white Under Armour long-sleeve shirt. His blond hair is close-cropped under a baseball cap that says "Grey Oaks," the country club in Naples, Fla., where his family plays golf.
He orders a ham-and-turkey sandwich and an iced tea. He sits and fidgets. His legs bounce. He turns his cap backward, then forward.
Amid the nervous energy, he recalls a proud moment from his fantasy football draft when he snagged a player his fellow owners didn't know.
"Going to be a steal," he told them as he selected the Raiders tight end.
Who? the other owners asked. Darren Waller?
Heuerman had a special bit of intel. He had watched Episode 3 of HBO's "Hard Knocks," during which Waller spoke of finding sobriety after "getting high like literally every day" while with the Ravens in 2016.
"I know what being completely clear-minded can do for every aspect of your life," Heuerman says.
And then he talked a little trash.
"In two months," he told his fellow owners, "you'll be trying to trade your best running back for him."
