Mido

"Where did the Egyptian play football," sniggers Howard Jones with childish glee. "At Tutankhamun Hotspur of course!" Oh dear. Photograph: Public domain

"The only riddle here," muses Morgan Jones, "is why - despite him losing his nose for goal, having the mobility of a monolith and costing £6m - are there still managers prepared to waste their wonga on Mido?" Photograph: Public domain

Joanne Wood wants Mido to walk like a... you guessed it. Photograph: Public domain

OK Blake Gadman, he's Egyptian - we get it. Stop it now. Photograph: Public domain

John Barry did supply a long-winded explanation about Japanese baby crying contests and sumo wrestlers, but to be honest the picture was funnier on its own. Photograph: Public domain

"No one can outrun their destiny," blares Callum Woods. "Not that Mido was ever that fond of running." Photograph: Public domain

Jose Carvalho was devastated to see our hero's Birmingham dates cancelled. Photograph: Public domain

"You wouldn't like him when he's angry," cautions Adam Roylance. Or when he's playing football for your team, in fact. Photograph: Public domain

"After failing to snag his top target, Steve Bruce asks what difference there could possibly be in a single letter," offers John Leonard. Photograph: Public domain

Mido as Princess Leia? The Gallery fears for Oliver Daly's mental health. Photograph: Public domain

"Steve Bruce was becoming increasingly frustrated by Mido’s petulant negotiating style," chortles Morgan Roberts. Photograph: Public domain