Michael Owen

Chris Key's effort looks like an album cover for a low-fi alt-Americana nu-fulk group. Which is not necessarily a bad thing Photograph: Public domain

"Michael's attempts to find another club found him resorting to more and more desperate means ..." titters John Barry. Quite why Jim has fixed it for little Michael to meet K9 rather than find him a new club is unclear Photograph: n/a

"The brochure was nearly complete. Just one final change of font ..." Mark Ireland, we salute you Photograph: n/a

"He did well to last so far in to the season following his move to Hull," chuckles James Welsh Photograph: n/a

"Michael was having a bit of trouble finding a new home," trills Matt Padmore Photograph: n/a

"Owen and Hull might not stay together seven years but there's definitely been some flirting and fantasising about a brief fling," reckons Thomas Nycz-Losi Photograph: n/a

Matt Thornhill's effort rather speaks for itself, we'd say Photograph: n/a

"M.J. Owen's search for a new club finally pays off thanks to his trusty book," parps Stuart Home Photograph: n/a

A parody of a forgotten film for a forgotten player from Duncan Marsden Photograph: n/a

"After the glossy magazine failed, they decided to try the classifieds ..." toots Chris Dantas Photograph: n/a

"'It's a gamble for the club and it's a gamble for Michael...' trills John McCririck. 'That's the way I like it,' grins poker-faced Michael." So writes Brian Corcoran, who wins bonus points for shamelessly shoe-horning the Gallery sponsors' name in there Photograph: n/a

"'Please sir, can I have some more?' 'Moooorrre?!?'" chuckles the Dickensian Matt Wright Photograph: n/a

Here's Colin McGinley: "Michael Owen says if I don't drink enough milk, when I grow up I'll only be good enough to play with him at Accrington Stanley" Photograph: n/a

"Running out of time to find a buyer, Michael’s agents decide to stick him in Auto Trader," honks Howard Jones Photograph: n/a

"Michael Owen wasn't going to be rushed in his search for the perfect club ..." Can we get a bom-tish for William Wilson? Photograph: n/a

"Michael and Louise join the march south." Some nifty historical referencing from Jason Froggett Photograph: n/a

Mat Owen's effort is pretty disturbing (no, not pretty in that way), but the presence of John Carew is a pleasing addition. "When Owen joined one of London's premier clubs, it was a shock to some ..." Photograph: n/a

"Michael shares his job hunt problems with an old friend ..." honks Matt Thornhill Photograph: Public domain

Jon Rogers - he sends in his entry late, he makes up poor excuses for sending in his entry late, and he can't spell Britain. But he made us smile so we let him off. And, yes, that is Bros and Eddie The Eagle Photograph: n/Public domain